Wednesday, November 7, 2012

writers' block

You know what sucks? Writer's Block. It sucks because I want to spell it writers' block. It sucks because I contracted it. In fact, given the timing, I think I contracted it from my boyfriend.

You know what else sucks? I'm sitting here at a busy Starbucks. Have a few minutes to kill before my hair appointment. There's a perfectly lovely blond wearing awesome purple shoes sitting in the chair beside me... but she's a hair-player-wither. She habitually touches and pulls and detangles her hair every... let's see... 3 seconds. It's making me crazy. But not crazier than her. Hair-toucher. Maybe she should keep my hair appointment and cut it all off.

I digress. Back to writing about my writer's block. Hey, this is my blog so I'm going to spell it WRITERS' BLOCK. There are many writers, and some of have The Block. And there you go.

Did you know my friends granted me a lifetime pass to use the phrase "and there you go" -- from the dad, a genius of a character, in My Big Fat Greek Wedding -- because I once tagged Nia Vardalos in a tweet and she tweeted me back? Well, I did. And she did. And there you go.


See? I just ran into it again. Sat here for probably two whole seconds contemplating what to write next. Two whole seconds is, inside my head, basically an intolerable eternity. Just as my dad, sister, boyfriend, brother, brother-in-law, step-mom and her sons, my best friends, and my casual acquaintances can tell you. Eternity.

Writers' block as a term is starting to make more sense to me. Bhan's Block. As in, I'm basically getting in my own way. My blog started to achieve what for me felt like some success and so I applied new and increasing, rather than steady and continuing, amounts of pressure on myself to make it even wittier, catchier, bigger, awesomer.

What I really could have stood to hear should have listened to is some advice to just keep doing it. The fact of the matter is that many friends (you know who you are. jerks. kidding.) did reach out and gently nudge me. The more I was nudged, however, the more I felt like the next post couldn't possibly live up to Huff the Magic Marker. So I kind of froze.

Writers' Block is, therefore, like a block of ice inside of which I froze myself.

I hate myself for knowing this isn't Luke Skywalker
The longer my hiatus, the more reasons I gave for not writing. I was really just convincing myself.

Boobs. Just checking to see if you're still reading. After all, I realize this isn't the most riveting article ever in the history of anything.

My friend Ben fancies himself a writer and opera singer, so today I sought out his advice on how to thaw my Writers' Block. He suggested several clever ideas, to almost literally warm back up the way he warms up his voice before launching into an aria.

I even looked up Writers' Block on Wikipedia.

I just paused again. Cracked my back, stared at the ceiling momentarily. Maybe I should put some funny pictures in this article. Meh, I will if I wants ta. (I did.)

The lighting in this place makes me wants ta curl up and take a nap, but my double-shot tall gingerbread latte will keep from seriously entertaining that possibility.

I... think that's about it, kids. Love you, and your shows.



Saturday, August 25, 2012

My Dad the Doper

You may have heard this week that Lance Armstrong was stripped by the US Anti-Doping Association of all his Tour de France wins.

I like to think Lance didn't do it, but he probably did. Thems are just the facts, Jack. He was just a better doper than all the other dopers against whom he competed during all those races. But I'm not here to start a debate.

Back to the story.

In the Reynolds household, we call Lance "Lancey-boy" and actually followed his career pretty closely. We DVR the Tour and catch snippets of the other summer races. Dinner parties feature baskets full of Livestrong bracelets as give-aways for guests. I follow the bikers and their teams on Twitter. In the front hallway of his condo, Dad has a framed, poster-sized self-portrait with an autograph of Greg LeMond.

Anyhow, we like road bikes.

See, back in the mid-'90s, my dad started riding and racing road bikes. I don't know what overcame him to choose this particular hobby, but in terms of mid-life crises at least he didn't buy an obnoxious sports car.

Wait, yes he did.

sweet 1993 Ford Probe, Dad

But I digress. Back to road biking.

Rain or shine, snow or sleet, my dad rode literally thousands of miles a year, literally across entire states. He rode alone and with groups, for fun and for fundraising. He rode to work and to friends' homes located farther away than I really care to drive.

Come to think of it, my dad was a little like this guy:

by the '90s, Dad had shaved his beard, but otherwise this is an uncanny likeness

For several consecutive years, Dad competed in the Wisconsin State Senior Olympics. As his daughter, I was really proud of him and happy to know he was basically staying out of trouble. And he was wildly successful at his events. When it was all said and done, Dad won about ten pounds of gold medals.

(Temper your enthusiasm, though: he sometimes entered events with fewer than three participants just to ensure he'd win a medal. See the 1996 Rollerblading finalists' results.)

After dedicating so much time and effort, blood and sweat, and... frankly... cash, my dad's winnings understandably hold a great deal of sentimental value.

When Dad received the news that Lance's medals have been stripped and history rewritten, he was... not shocked so much as concerned for the welfare of his own legacy.

See, Dad has always had asthma and treated it with an inhaler: a bronchodilator -- which, in certain circles of elite athletes is considered a PERFORMANCE ENHANCING DRUG!

Are they coming for Dad's Senior Olympics medals next?!?

this is not the face of a man who wants to relinquish his medals

It's a witch hunt. Hide your winnings, Dad.

Friday, June 22, 2012

mmmcoffee

Coffee tastes better
In a personalized mug
With milk and sugar.



- Bhan blogs via IPhone are powered by BlogPress

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

I got a guy fer that

I'm like the Angie's List of the little things. Need a tailor? I got a guy fer that. Need your shoes repaired? I got a guy fer that.

Here's my list of Guys Fer That, tried-and-true resources who will get you through your week.

Q: Hey, Bhan, where do you get your shoes repaired?
A: Go see my guy Franco at Franco's Shoe Repair.


Website
Phone
608-255-8020
Hours
bankers' (M-F @ 0900 - 1600) 
Location
1213 Regent Street, Madison WI
Price
~$5 per pair, depending on the repair



Franco's is both easily missed and impossible to miss




Q: Hey, Bhan, where do you get your pants hemmed/zippers replaced/dresses altered?
A: Go see my guys girls at Moments to Cherish.


These ladies do the kind of quality work you expect from... someone else. Like your grandmother. Pieces are usually ready for pick-up within a week. And it's conveniently located next to the Great Dane, so... you know... you can have a beer after you drop stuff off. (Call me!)

website
phone      
(608) 274-5683
hours    
normal business hours
location  
2990 Cahill Main, Fitchburg WI
price       
~$10 per article for clothing, and ask for a quote for dress alteration 


Q: Hey, Bhan, where do you get waxed?
A: Go see my guy lady Beth at Escape du Monde.

You think this is TMI? It's probably one of the most-asked questions and most frequently talked-about topics among groups of girls. Or, at least among my group of girls.


Website
Phone
608-273-6060
Location
Price
prices listed on website



it's exactly unlike this


Alright. Now on to a topic that won't make you boys barf.


Q: Hey, Bhan, who do you go to for awesome bacon?
A: Go see my guy 'n' his girl, Johnny and Lindsey, at PPORK. 


Website
Phone
none yet
Hours
TBD
Location
various Wisconsin festivals throughout the summer
Price
worth it



what kinda smoke do they use for reggae-cured, you ask? 


Q: Hey, Bhan, where do you buy your iPhone accessories?
A: Go see my guy friend Stephanie and her online store.

At one point or another, we've all limped along with a broken phone case. This was true for me until I learned about this little nugget. Fast shipping indeed!


Website
Phone
online only
Hours
24x7
Price
way cheaper than the retailers


Here are a couple actual screen shots to illustrate the price gouging you experience when buying from The Other Guy....

$34.95 (!!!)
 ... compared to buying from my guy.

$23.18 YA HEARD


Q: Hey, Bhan, which vet do you take Monkey and George to?
A: Go see my guy, Dr Brynn Bruss, at Odyssey Vets.


Website
Phone
608-288-7838
Hours
M-Th @ 0800 - 2000, F @ 0800 - 1800, Sa @ 0900 - 1300
Location
Price
varies based on service



He's the most knowledgeable, patient, and kind vet I've ever worked with. (And I'm not just saying this because he reads this blog.) He truly empowers me to be a better pet parent. Over the last 6 years, Dr Bruss helped me keep Sydney comfortable in his final days and was by my side during the euthanasia. I now take both Monkey and George to see Dr Bruss and I think we can all agree my wee ones are the best (and healthiest!) around.

Monkey: "Can you even see me?"
George: "I'm planning your demise."

Q: Hey, Bhan, you look so relaxed. Where do you go for a good massage? 
A: Go see my guy, Dave, at Massage Envy.


Website
Phone
(608) 663-1900
Hours
Su @ 1000 - 1800, M-F @ 0800 - 2200, Sa @ 0800 - 1800
Location
Price
membership fees < walk-in fees


I opt for a one-hour sports massage, which isn't too deep-tissue (there are no heroes on a massage table) and incorporates stretching and range of motion. It's truly excellent.

Whether you need your your bacon cured or your stress relieved... I got a guy fer that. And tell him/her/them that I sent ya.

Friday, June 15, 2012

notebook

I never will use
the first page of a notebook.
No graphite smudges! 

also, I use graph paper notebooks

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

summer bucket list

Every summer, Madison undergoes a dramatic transformation: most students leave town to spend the summers elsewhere. Grown-ups across the area reclaim the city and every glorious event and activity it has to offer. In an effort to capitalize...

get it?

... on the coolest of the cool stuff available to us, I made a summer bucket list and broke it down into three convenient categories: eat, drink, and be merry.

eat

1. The Dane County Farmers Market professes to be the largest in the country. Amen, Sconnies. Most summer Saturdays you'll find me strolling the sidewalks and interacting with vendors and fellow food shoppers (including buyers for Madison's best restaurants).

2. I love grilling food, especially lemons along with with any type of fish...

this was grilled trout and lemons

... so this summer's Bucket List includes many opportunities to indulge that hobby.


drink

3. The Grumpy Troll, a locally famous brew-pub located in Mt Horeb, WI, has a reputation for excellent beers, food, and service. Best of all, it's conveniently located among some of the country's best road-biking trails and country roads. More on road biking later.

4. New Glarus is just 15 minutes away, is the home to a well-known brewery, and last weekend the quaint little town hosted a BBC (Beer, Bacon, and Cheese) Festival. My friend Johnny's bacon-making start-up, Ppork, secured a booth so a couple girlfriends and I stopped by to show our support and taste some awesome food. Crossed one off the summer bucket list already!**

mmmbacon

5. University of Wisconsin famously has one of the best outdoor drinking establishments known to humankind: Memorial Union Terrace. Let's go listen to some rad live music and watch the sun set behind sail boats.

Oh, and they allow Monkeys! 

6. Wollersheim Winery offers tours and tastings at very reasonable prices. (We're talking $2 to $5!!!) John expressed interest in this, too, so I'll likely drag my boyfriend along for this one. It's nestled in some of the prettiest Wisconsin countryside, making even the drive out there a real pleasure.


be merry

7. After eating and drinking all these calories, I'd like to burn some of them off by biking some local trails I have yet to explore. First and second among them: Military Ridge State Trail and Badger State Trail. From either trail I can bike a nice loop away from and back to my house, eliminating the need to rack my bike. Because I don't have a rack.

8. A couple of my girlfriends and I have been know to cause quite a stir at the Epic Bombers games. If these are still on weekdays, I may have to instead settle for causing a similar scene at a Mallards game. Lucky for me, both crews play at Warner Park. That's called convenience, kids.

9. In Googling "cool stuff to do in Madison" I was not surprised to find canoeing and kayaking, and pleasantly surprised to find stand-up paddling. Wheee! I have relatively terrible balance, so let's also call this one "Swimming in a Madison Area Lake."

these might not be a bad idea

10. Located just 25 minutes away, Cave of the Mounds is known throughout the upper Midwest as the only place you can go where it's 50 degrees in summer. That sounds refreshing, and right up my geology-minded alley.


Can
Cambrian


Old
Ordovician
 **Cave of 
the Mounds**
Senators
Silurian


Demand
Devonian


More
Mississippian


Political
Pennsylvanian


Power
Permian


Than
Triassic


Junior
Jurassic


Congressmen?
Cretaceous


Tough
Tertiary
Pigeon
Egg
Omelets
Make
People
Puke
Paleocene
Eocene
Oligocene
Miocene
Pliocene
Pleistocene
Question
Quaternary
Heavily
Holocene

I did this from memory

11. Frank Lloyd Wright named his Spring Green, Wisconsin, home Taliesin, which is Welsh for shining brow, in reference to the building's location perched near but not atop a hill in the lovely countryside. He used the property and its accompanying fellowship as both classroom and laboratory, testing out themes and designs which would later resurface in public buildings and private residences. I could go on, and on, and on...

clockwise from top: Taliesin, some road, a pond, and those fields

... but suffice it to say that I'm a HUGE fan of Frank Lloyd Wright, because of in spite of his undeniable egomania. Though I visit the property every summer, and have toured the interior once, I'd like to go back and see it again.

12. Vilas Zoo probably has monkeys. I wouldn't know, because I've never been there. But I love monkeys. Especially the ones that are dogs named Monkey. So, the zoo makes the cut.

The problem with lists, especially those created over time, is that I always figure I'm missing something, so here's my catch-all.

13. Everything else. Like sitting on the Continental's outdoor patio with my girlfriends, enjoying the happy hour specials and great company. Sleeping with the ceiling fan whirling and the windows open during a wild summer thunderstorm...

that'll do

... while hopefully avoiding the direct path of any tornadoes, taking the dog for long walks along our neighborhood's tranquil wooded trails and across the scenic bluffs of Devils Lake, join friends to on the grassy yard of the state Capitol building during Concerts on the Square, watch Rhythm & Booms from the shores of Lake Mendota....

**This is neither the first nor the last time I put something on a list just for the satisfaction of crossing it off.

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

blogenre

Some many most blogs have a genre, a general topic about which the blogger can write with some authority. Recipes. Vegan recipes. Their homes and families. Home renovations. Healthcare IT. Themselves via Internet safety. And so on and so forth.

I have incredible readers and blog supporters. (I love you! *wink*) And there are a lot of you. When I started really thinking about it, I felt a little intimidated and got to wondering why the hell any of you read this. I mean, really.

My blog, unlike all those informative ones linked above, provides essentially no value. Not gonna learn anything here...



... and that's a promise.

I bounced this whole concept off my boyfriend. He said all the right supportive things and, the more we talked and I thought about it, the closer I came to a conclusion:

Other people's blogs are like the National Geographic or HGTV of blogs. 

Mine, on the other hand, is the USA Network of blogs.

USA Network isn't the channel you flip to when you want to enrich your life. But you might stop on an episode of NCIS for a while just to tune out the rest of the noise in your life.

So thanks for stopping by. There won't be a quiz. Click on all the ads.