20%

I'm going to drop a little Facts of Life...

you take the good, you take the bad... SING IT! 

...on you right now. Ready?

happiness = balance

I didn't invent that, alright? But I did realize that it's a little too vague to be useful. So, I did a little new-age Girl Math and determined that it's alright if approximately 20% of your life sucks.

Let me break it down for you.

1/5 of the things you own or do can be weird

After dating and dating and dating and dating and dating some more, I learned that a guy with a Star Wars Lego collection (that's weird, dude) is good dating material as long as he owns grown-up furniture, wears big-boy clothes, has some matching plates and utensils, and drives a decent* car.

Similarly, it's cool with me if he plays Dungeons and Dorklords (or whatever) when I learn that he also volunteers at a dog shelter, holds down a respectable job, calls his parents on their birthdays, and keeps a spreadsheet to balance his home budget.

1/5 of your family members can be odd

You have a mom who's off her rocker, but your dad and aunt and granny and brother are cool? Then you're cool, too.

1/5 of the things you say can be negative

Everyone bitches about work and friends and traffic. That's normal. But it's important to keep your negativity  in check. When someone asks you how your day is, give her this kind of answer: "Spilled my coffee all over these white pants, but my hair smells heavenly and my in-box is empty and these strawberries will be a great snack later and I just got a really nice text from my sister."

See? That's basically a positive response, even though you still had a chance to bitch about your stained pants.

you might be accused of being that guy

spend 1/5 of your time doing nothing

I basically mean it's alright to spend your otherwise-unscheduled time doing nothing. Watch Bravo. Paint your toe nails. Have a beer. Stare out the window.

Take a mental break.

You deserve it, what with all the lame stuff you do, crazy family members you have, and whining.


*Decent = clean and well-maintained, not necessarily expensive.

scooby snacks

You know how you live right across the street from a brew-pub so you join some friends for après-work pints and you get to chatting for so long that the kitchen has closed and you can't even get take-out, meaning you missed dinner altogether when all you wanted was a seven-layer burrito but the only Taco Bell is down the street and technically *everything* is considered out of the way because your house is RIGHT THERE and now you have to wait till tomorrow for nachos? Yeah, me too.

what kind of cheese? NACHO cheese

- Bhan blogs via IPhone are powered by BlogPress

Location:Home, Wisconsin

furniture refinished

I love projects. Well, specifically, I love FINISHING projects. A couple week ago, someone in my apartment complex left this cute little table in the mailbox area, free for the taking. I quickly adopted it. It had an awful dark-colored stain and varnish which gave it an old-fashioned feel. Can't have that in my clean-lines and mid-century modern-inspired home, so I decided to paint it.

step 1

I sat out on the balcony in my swim suit and hand-sanded the varnish and some of the stain off every millimeter of the surface. When that was done, I wiped the dust off with a couple damp paper towels and took a picture of the table with my beer for scale.

tres petite, non?

step 2
I covered my dining room table with a drop-cloth made of Shopper Stoppers -- to what better use could they be put? -- and retrieved my supplies, including a brush...

... and bright blue latex paint made by (and here's how shameless I am) Disney. They actually have a very nice line of super-saturated colors. I think the one I chose is called "Donald's Shirt Blue."

I, too, like to wear a hat and shirt with no pants

Upon close inspection of my flipped-over table, I discovered these ancient Masonic engravings. Probably pre-historical. Or, as my roommate and boyfriend claim, probably created when the spindle base was clamped into the carving tool. Whatever. I like my version better.

spooky, eh? 

step 3
Apply one coat of paint to the underside of the top, and to the spindle and each of the three legs.

step 4a
Keep an eye on Curious George.

step 4b
And if you can't do 4a, then be prepared for him to take a stroll across the wet paint...

George's balls

... and to then have his cute little footprints preserved in the paint forever...

tra la la, just taking a stroll across mommy's project

... but not in the carpet forever. Did you know the Bissell Spot Bot will take LATEX PAINT OUT OF CARPET if you get to it fast enough? That's a fact, Jack.

in ten minutes, the carpet was good as 6-months-old

step 5
Apply two more coats to the entire surface. I didn't take any pictures of this because IT WAS LIKE WATCHING PAINT DRY.

step 6
Apply a clear surface protector. I chose this Krylon high-gloss spray product. Follow the dang instructions, too. Turns out, applying one thick coat is not the same as applying several thin coats -- the stuff will drip.

any of the dads at your local hardware store can help you find the right product

Set a 10-minute timer between clear-coats. I applied about 3 total coats to the entire table.

when the Marimba alarm rings, I dance for a minute before shutting it off

step 7

And this is an important one, so pay close attention. Let the clear-coat cure for a little while, maybe an hour or two, while you sit by the pool reading a mediocre book.

yes, I did this whole project while wearing a swim suit

step 8
Take a slightly off-kilter photos of the finished project! I bought the lamp separates -- acrylic base and tweed shade -- at Target for about $30.

that's John's coffee cup, but not his torso (which is still attached to the rest of him, and is much larger)

here's a little closer view

and really, really close where you can see the texture I achieved by alternating directions of paint strokes

step 9
Figure out the cost of this little project

table	$0
sand paper	$3
paint	$8
paint brush	$4
beer	$7
total	$22

step 10
Happen to stumble across almost the EXACT SAME TABLE at Target, for sale for $59!!! Quickly do a little Girl Math and realize you now have $37 to spend!

SRSLY. Twinsies, right? 

fin.

yo dawg

Maybe you've heard of Xibit and his show, Pimp My Ride, where he and his car shop crew remade run-down 1987 Ford Escorts into barely street-legal rolling ridiculousosities full of speakers, grills, and gaming devices, like this...

... and this.

zoom zoom! 

When Xibit shows off the modifications to the car's owner, he starts most sentences with, "Yo dawg, I heard you like spoilers, so I put a spoiler on your spoiler."

My brother uses this expression in real life and calls it "yodawging". I spent the weekend trying to get the hang of it. So far this week I've used it twice.

1. My coworker mentioned her mom's upcoming Critter Festival where her family and friends cook "killed food" which usually entails relatively normal hunted food like venison and turkeys. But apparently there was a rodent on the table at one event.

"Yo dawg, I heard you like ground-up food so I ground up some ground hog and made you a burger."

I made this image. Copyright Siobhan. Ya heard? 

2. My life-long friend, Lauren, and her husband treated me to dinner in their home. Reu grilled up some burgers which contained little bits of bacon and cheddar cheese. He asked me if I wanted anything on it.

"Yo dawg, I heard you like cheese, so I put cheese in your cheeseburger so you can eat cheese while you're eating cheese."

Now, get out there and Yo Dawg your friends.

chair-a-holic

just stopped at Goodwill.

five dollars, ninety-nine cents.

I love my green chair.

- Bhan blogs via IPhone are powered by BlogPress

gizmodosayswhat?

This Gizmodo.com Apple article is brought to you by Blackberry...

... and so is this one:

my brother

why own a TV?

instead go bigger, better :

ceiling projector

thanks for the image assist, OneNote