ready, set, tornado!

For the last two years I've gone to some newer, lengthier lengths to prepare for Wisconsin's tornado season... usually conducting these preparations after the first ones rip through the region the way this one did in northern Illinois last Friday.

TOUCHDOWN! And not in a footballing kind of way

Nothing like seeing supercells on the weather map to serve as a reminder to get my act together and finish prepping  my tornado box.

fucking YIKES

As my gaze alternated between staring obsessively at the radar on my Wundergound app and my family's tornado box sitting totally disassembled on the dining room table, I decided I had probably waited long enough to dust off my process and gear for the 2015 tornado season. So here you go. 

Why do I prepare? Because I can and -- more importantly -- should. Having evacuated to the basement last summer three times in one week and twice the following week, including one occasion where we listened intently to the local radio station announcing a tornado touching down ON OUR HOUSE... 

Like this, but in living color

... I can assure you that any time + money invested into thoroughly preparing for a tornado returned  tenfold in peace-of-mind. During one such event, as I sat in my car with the pets crammed together in the back seat and thunder booming loudly outside, I mentally reviewed every step I'd taken to prepare. Every piece of equipment I'd bought or gathered and readied. Things I'd crossed off of lists. Each step in the logistics.

And I concluded, even in the midst of an event, that I was as ready as possible. Audible sigh. 

My preparedness comes in three steps: Move to shelter, have the right stuff, and maintain it over time. These broad steps work in general for basically any circumstance, and the specifics here work in my particular situation.

My hope is that you read through this and find your family's own intersection between procedure and materials. Have the right things in the right places at the right time. 

Without further procrastination, here's my approach to tornado preparedness:

Move to Shelter.

What I do: When the sirens sound, my family and I evacuate immediately and without question to our underground parking garage. I take my car keys, my wallet, the dogs on their leash, and the cat in his carrier (which also contains a harness + retractable leash fitted for him).

What you should think about: When the sirens sound, where will your family go and how will you get there? What should you grab on your way there? If you grew up in the midwest you probably recall the drill: Hide under a desk. On the off chance you don't have one of these hanging around your house...

... Ready.gov recommends going to the lowest level of your home and/or to an interior, windowless space. Wear shoes and clothes. This sounds silly, but if you sleep in the buff then at least attempt to grab something. Nobody wants to be rescued naked. 

JK. If this guy shows up, I'm gonna have forgotten my PJs.

Have the Right Gear.

What I do: Because we evacuate to the basement, I keep a tornado box in our locked storage closet. If we evacuate to the basement, the materials I store there will keep my pets + me safe and relatively comfortable for up to three days. I made the executive decision that our first best plan is to shelter in place (in our building); if I needed to completely evacuate the area I could do so by condensing gear to my backpack. I keep a smaller preparedness kit in my car at all times. It contains many of the same supplies and is packaged in a sturdy, comfortable backpack.

BUILD YOUR OWN KIT. Amazon has lots and lots and lots of pre-made tornado kits. 

that's not quite what I meant...

But here's the thing. These kits were all designed and assembled in a very generic, though possibly thorough, fashion. There's basically no conceivable way a pre-made kit meets the specific logistical needs of your family in your home. It might in fact contain stuff you already have in your home (like bandages)! So, while it might save you some time on the front-end to purchase one, you may learn the hard way that only half of it is really worth anything to your family.

Additionally, the simple act of considering, collecting, and assembling the gear will make you more familiar with what you own. It's similar to the concept of learning by writing down. Just adding a line item to a list makes it as cognitively permanent as seeing it on the list. So when it comes to your kit, think about the materials that best suit your circumstance. Comparison-shop for the individual items. Spread them all out on your table and get to know each piece. 

I can't state this strongly enough: build your own kit. Knowing where in the kit you can find which piece of gear, and knowing how to use it, will be imperative in a time of duress... like when you're inside a tornado. 

"Where the deuce is my tornado detector? What's that? There's one right behind me, isn't there?"

I'll just hop down off my soapbox meow and share with you what my tornado box contains.

Pet stuff

• Food for three days for dogs
• Food for three days for George
• Water for three days for pets
• Litter box, scoop, and litter for George

Sustenance

• 3 gallons drinking water (1 gallon per human per day)
• 1200 calories of nonperishable food per human per day
• Candy, because you can't be in full panic all the time; boredom can get dangerous
• Wine. You know, those single-serving juice boxes? Hey, if we're gonna hang out by candlelight and listen to the radio, might as well have wine....

Gear

• Flashlight, lantern, and headlamp
• Hand-crank weather radio with cell phone charging adapter
• First Aid kit (bandages, tape, ointment, hot and cold packs
• ICE sheet (laminated), cash, notebook, and permanent marker in plastic envelope
• Sanitizing wipes (unlike the hand pump stuff, actual wipes will remove grease and dirt from your hands)
• Duct tape
• Leatherman
• Waterproof matches / lighter
• Bandanas (because they look cool)
• Leather work gloves
• Tire iron

What you should think about: If you have kids, what special considerations should you take into account to ensure they're safe and comfortable? If you don't have a basement and instead evacuate to a bathroom or other space, what can you safely stash there in case portions of your home become inaccessible? 

Maintenance

What I do: Every spring I wait for the first round of devastation to occur proactively monitor the start of tornado season and review my gear. Buy fresh water and nonperishable food. Test battery strength in my flashlights and lanterns. 

What you should think about: I guess something similar. Set aside even a few minutes annually to discuss the plan with your family and review the gear together. 

You've waited long enough to see what some of my tornado kit contents actually look like. Enjoy!

This is one of those times when more calories is more better

The tire iron may either pry loose something blocking our exit or be used to defend my kingdom

Contents: various tapes, anti-histamines, anti-inflammatories, gloves, and bandages

The kleenexes are to mop up the tears I'm sure to shed from fear + exhaustion

Can't forget about George's needs. I mean, if I did forget... EW. 

Some parting words from the opinionator (that's me): 

1. Please don't casually announce on Facebook that you slept right through a tornado. Everyone should have a plan and be prepared and then execute on that plan. If you failed to do so, that's no laughing matter or something you should leverage to draw jokey attention toward yourself. 
2. Charge your phone before bedtime. Leave the emergency alerts turned on. 
3. Err on the side of caution. If weather seems a little hairy, be safe. 
4. Spread the word. It's so cool to be prepared! Be as ready for severe weather as Bey was to drop Lemonade. 

hey becky. I'm ready for yeh.