little kid sick

I wrote this a couple weeks ago while home sick with strep throat, where I got bored after about two hours. So here you go. A reflection on how I get sick like a little kid.

_____________________________________________________________________

the late '80s

I recall as a kid of about 8 or 9 I occasionally suffered from croup, which is a horrible barking cough and airway constriction typically afflicting infants 6 months of age and children around 5-6 years of age. It's awful. I have vivid memories of waking up unable to breathe and my mom rushing me to the bathroom, slamming the door, and blasting the shower on hot-hot-hot till the small room filled with steam to provide me with some relief.

But I'm not here to dwell on that.

I've had my 30th birthday a couple of times now. And I still get sick like a little kid.

August 1997

In the weeks leading up to my departure for college, I came down with a sore throat which led to tonsillitis which led to an anaphylactic reaction to penicillin which led to a week-long stay at Childrens Hospital of Wisconsin. (Which also led to two subsequent hospitalizations -- one for the tonsillectomy and one for the hemorrhages which followed.)

I was 17 years and 50 weeks old -- by far the oldest kid in the hospital -- so I was also the only patient awake and watching TV at 11:00p on August 31 when breaking news interrupted Saturday Night Live to announce the passing of Princess Diana. The nurses crowded into my room to watch the continuous updates until thankfully I fell asleep. (That was a long night for us, since my IV had infiltrated my arm muscle tissue causing a great deal of pain and swelling. Scary.)

November 22, 2007

Thanksgiving Day. My family had a great time celebrating the holiday together. When all the dishes were cleared and the living room tidied up, I remember getting ready to go to bed and having a scratchy throat. My dad gave me some NyQuil and everyone called it a night. The next morning, I prepared to return home and basically felt alright.

By the evening of Saturday, November 24, however, things had deteriorated. I had a 104-degree fever (!!!!!) and the most excruciating cough imaginable. The pain radiated.

Every time I coughed, I pressed the heels of my hands into my eye sockets TO KEEP MY EYES FROM POPPING OUT.

I love Marty Feldman, and do not want to look like him.

Perhaps, in hindsight, that should have been a cue that I was a little delirious.

All my friends were out of town, home with their families. I texted several and nobody was available to take me to the hospital.

In a moment of obvious wisdom, I told one friend, "That's cool. I'm just going to walk [my dog] Sydney [outside... in Wisconsin... in November...]. If -- when I get back inside -- I still have a fever, then I'll go to the hospital."

Perhaps it goes without saying, but I returned from that walk (during which I was really, really inappropriately dressed in a tank top and shorts) and still had a raging fever, so I grabbed my car keys and headed straight to the Meriter ER.

Where I promptly started disrobing.

I was SO HOT. Sweating through my pants and long-sleeved shirt.

I had what you'd call a "sweaty face".

The registrar leaned across the desk and calmly said, "Whoa whoa whoa, honey. Why don't you sit right here for a minute." She took a little information from me, escorted me to an ER bay, and I was basically treated properly.

The diagnosis: mycoplasma pneumonia. You know, the kind that kids get.

Honestly. I get it. I'm not what you'd call mature in some ways, but even the way I get sick is immature.

funemployment 2012

(check back often - I'll be updating with my unadventures throughout the weekend)

I like to think my ex-Epic friends actually made up the word funemployment. If they didn't, they at least perfected the hell out of it, taking luxurious trips abroad to spend months discovering Australia, leasing condos on the beach to practice yoga in the sun, and skiing their way around the Alps. One particularly brilliant friend took a year to travel the entire world and write a book about her adventures. (Buy it on Amazon if you know what's good for you.)

Between my Epic job and the one I just left, I enjoyed a two-week period of funemployment. During that time, I went to lunch with friends (where I drank beer because I didn't have to go back to work after the meal), painted my fingernails, conducted a few phone and in-person interviews, and settled on a new job. It was nice, really nice. A quiet break from what had been a very hectic schedule of long working hours and travel.

This time around, because of my client's need for immediate help on their project, I have only two days of funemployment. That's right, Friday afternoon to Sunday afternoon. And I plan to make the least of it.

friday

2:00p I left work (admittedly early, but not because I was trying to short-change anyone; my boss came around at noon and was all, "You're still here?") and drove home in the snow. Because of the weather, a number of my colleagues spent the day working from home so the planned celebratory happy hour will take place next week. Funemployment extension!

I love beer, and the moustache app.

3:00 I arrived at home. The drive was tedious and a little nerve-wracking. I'm not worried about ME in the snow, but distracted or inexperienced drivers can just as easily cause an accident in that kind of weather. It was a balmy 58 degrees in my apartment so I finally turned on the heat - for the first time since moving in last October. I spent a couple hours on the couch watching vapid, worthless television. (Thanks, Bravo TV!)

6:00 I migrated to my bedroom to draw and watch Psych on Hulu+. If you ever questioned my adoration for addiction to coffee, just know this: The two floor plans I drew last night both contain a coffee bar in the master bedroom. Good stuff.

saturday

7:30 Heaven forbid I ever sleep in. Both Monkey and George were resting quietly, but the thought of coffee -- ok, the unbridled enthusiasm I experience when thinking about coffee -- got me out of bed. I put on a pot and while it brewed I took Monkey down to the park to play in the snow. It is COLD out there, friends.

8:30 I made eggs and toast and drank coffee while catching up on some Words with Friends games. Serious. What did I do with my mornings before WWF? Read the news, I suppose. Meh - I do that five days a week.

9:30 Time to head out to scrape my car and let it warm up before driving to the gym for a swim with my friend and workout buddy, Carissa. This is a typical Saturday morning ritual through winter for us, and mostly it's an opportunity to gossip. Maybe I'll stop at Starbucks; it's on the way to the gym.

1:00 The pool was great. Thanks to sunny skies, the space felt bright and warm which was a relief compared to the 4 degree temperature outside. We gabbed and chatted and generally enjoyed one another's company for an hour while also getting in a good workout.

That's me on the left.

I had a delicious PB&J sandwich and lime La Croix and watched a few minutes of the Australian Open with my roommate. Now I'm back in my bedroom and preparing to play with my Legos. Consider it research for the floor plans I draw, not unlike when I watch The Cooking Channel for my food blog.

Pick up the giant Ball jar for $15 at Target. Have your friend's 12-year-old son independently choose to buy you a set of pink Legos for Christmas.

9:30 I woke up in bed after having dozed off while watching X Files. Excellent. Back to sleep!

sunday

8:00 Coffee and breakfast are done, and I started a couple new games of Words with Friends. I retrieved the carry-on suitcase from storage and have finished a couple loads of laundry. Saved by the Bell - Hawaii is on, so I'll probably catch another episode of that before turning a couple piles of stuff into a manageable bag for the road.



- Bhan blogs via IPhone are powered by BlogPress

Resolutions for 2012

Studies show that new habits take approximately 30 repetitions to become automatic behaviors. By doing a little girl math, this fact leads me to think that each month I could introduce a new resolution. That's what we call a PLAN, kids. Here we go.

january

no drinking on school nights

With my workout schedule and healthy eating in full effect, just one or two drinks on a school night leaves me feeling like crap in the morning. Given that half of my workouts start around 5:00a on weekdays, it only had to happen once or twice before I realized how much of an interruption that one glass of wine could become. It's that simple. No more drinking on school nights.

Exception: vacations. In which case weekdays aren't technically school nights.

This is called the Maui Breakfast.

february

write more letters and cards
Starting with Valentine's Day cards, I want to write more cards. How great is it to receive actual mail? Pretty awesome. In addition, I already own a nice selection of greeting cards, and love getting a good deal on new ones, so it's good in every direction.

While I had the Christmas thank-you notes going, I addressed these Valentine's Day cards.

march 

send gifts on time
I have a rather wretched habit of mailing gifts after-the-fact. I've joked with recipients that it just extends their birthday/Christmas celebration by a few days (ok... weeks). That's pretty unfair, though, and I'm getting too old to lean on excuses. My niece and brother will each celebrate birthday in March, and the family birthdays continue on a pretty regular basis throughout the rest of the year, so in 2012 folks will get their gifts on time.


april
visit family more often
My family is geographically scattered, with a brother and sister-in-law in Florida; a sister, brother-in-law, and niece in Texas; and parents and step-brothers in Chicagoland.

Why WOULDN'T I want to spend more time with these clowns?

We genuinely enjoy each others' company. I need to make more time to spend with them, even if/when that involves significant travel. We're close, and we would be closer if I made a bigger effort to visit their homes more often.


may
banish "I didn't have time/a chance to ______"
I'm really looking forward to using this line for the next few months, but starting May 1 I shall no longer use that excuse. It's such a good one, but it's basically a lie. We all have 24 hours in a day, and some people manage to do a lot more with that amount of time. Like get things done. It's not that I didn't have a chance or the time to do something; I chose to spend that time doing something else. Which is fine, but also pretty lame. In May I'll probably hold a burial for that line. 


june
socialize more with friends
I'm a notorious home-body. Unless the plan involves meeting at the bar across the street, I'm probably not going to leave Fitchburg. The beginning of summer, with the Farmers Market and Concerts on the Square and pool parties, seems like as good of a time as any to start leaving home to spend time with friends.

Exhibit A: My friends are HOT.

I always, always have enjoyed going to events with friends. Remembering that will provide me with the momentum necessary to leave my cozy little cocoon.


july
read Infinite Jest by David Foster Wallace
I learned somewhere that this behemoth made a relatively short list of the best works of literature of my generation. Well, now that I'm not in school anymore and therefore don't have homework reading assignments that expose me to this caliber of literature, I'm taking this opportunity to assign myself a project.

Clocking in at 1079 pages, this qualifies as a TOME.

Though this is my July goal, it'll likely take more than a month to finish, so let's say I will have started or gotten about half-way through the book by summer.


august
utilize my inventory of house stuff
I keep meticulous shopping lists on my iPhone.

I recommend the NoteMaster Lt app

Despite my efforts, I still occasionally find myself without canned black beans, or dryer sheets, or [fill in the blank]. This frustrates me because I HATE RUNNING ERRANDS. What a waste of time.

I created an amazing 2-page spreadsheet of every consumer product I own which requires replenishing. The list has categories which align loosely with the aisles of a grocery store (or... let's be honest... the Super Target down the street from my house). I need to spend some time finalizing it and then actually put the thing into motion. On a monthly basis, take stock of what I have and add what I need to the shopping list. The goal: RUN FEWER ERRANDS.

september
have a birthday party
I haven't had a legitimate birthday party in... a really long time. I've had a small group over for a last-minute cookout...

Jokingly referred to as a meeting of the Young Republicans

... and I've met up with groups of friends downtown for an evening in the bars. Both are alright options, but in 2012 I will plan and have an awesome, premeditated birthday-themed party to ring in my 33rd year. Excellent.


october
wear a Halloween costume and possibly attend a party 
I haven't really worn a Halloween costume since 2006. (Read all about why not.) Perhaps 2012 is the right time to stop being such a buzzkill about it. You know how great costume ideas always occur to you in, like, May? This year maybe I'll write down that genius idea so I can implement it come October.

november
organize my photos
My digital and printed photos are a hot, hot mess. About a year ago, I made some attempts to clean up my Picasa albums, which have once again become unmanageable. As a blogger, that's a pain in the ass. I need to be able to find pictures relatively quickly.

I have two shoe boxes full of printed photographs and I actually already own a couple empty albums. I also already have an external hard drive onto which I can back up my digital photos for safekeeping.

It's really just a matter of making time -- like, probably less than an hour -- to transfer the prints to said albums, and to copy the digitals to my hard drive. Not exactly rocket science, and not exactly a monumental task.


december
plan resolutions for 2013
This has been a great exercise. I hope that 365 days from now I'm able to reflect on the success I achieved with the goals above. Right now, they strike me as reasonable goals, though I'll admit to having doubts about the one-a-month format. Maybe these will end up being more 'seasonal' than 'monthly' and only time will tell.

Here's to a fantastic start to what will be a terrific year.

Stages of a Relationship

I am the opinionator. This is my opinion. This is NOT the opinion of 100% of my closest girlfriends and confidants.

An illustration of my my dating life during my 20s:

I took a nice 5-year hiatus from dating in order to focus on my self, family, friends, and work. I'd say it paid off. Around the time I hit my 30s, I decided to give it another go, but only after receiving confirmation from multiple close friends that I was "ready".

With my confidence restocked, out into the mean world of dating I went. (You can read all about a couple first dates here and here.) And here are the stages of relationships according to me.

dating around

You're seeing him, and you're seeing other people or would consider it if the opportunity arose. There's no expectation of exclusivity between you two, or of mutual social planning.

dating exclusively

You're seeing him and nobody else. You have mutually agreed -- out loud -- to not date other people.

boytoyfriend

My friend Emily introduced this word into my vocabulary. You need two hands to count the number of times you've "been out" and don't really consider these outings to be "dates" any longer.

boyfriend

You two attend events as a couple and there's an assumption that if one has a social event scheduled, there will be some degree of wardrobe coordination. (Just kidding about that last part.) (Or am I?)

Facebook-official

Say it loud, say it proud! Mark Zuckerberg empowers you to share the news with the world.

broken up

I've never actually achieved the Facebook-official status, but I've seen it happen many times. So-and-so changed her status from "In a relationship" to "Single". Ouch. Aren't you glad you told the world he was your one-and-only?

My break-ups have, for the most part, been pretty healthy learning experiences. The most recent one actually occurred... on Monday. No tears shed, and definitely for the best.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again... and again... and again: I'd rather be single than with the wrong person. It's the balm that soothes the souls of women everywhere. Especially once we hit our 30s.

Yes, I did file this article under "chores" and "work." This provides you, dear reader, with a little insight to my state of mind when it comes to dating.

Destroyed like

I just destroyed my first weight loss goal...

... like Harry Potter with a horcrux, or
     ... like a border collie with a plush toy, or
          ... like Charlie Sheen and a lucrative TV career, or
               ... like Buffy does in a vampire, or
                    ... like a chubby girl with a bag of Tostitos, or
                         ... like American Idol and pop culture, or
                              ... like a desperate housewife and her best friend's marriage, or
                                   ... like Greece and their economy, or
                                        ... like a hangover with an early-morning flight, or
                                             ... like Ryan Reynolds in the role of the Green Lantern, or
                                                  ... like bleaching a perfectly good head of curly brown hair, or
                                                       ... like video killed the radio star.

33 fatty-patties* gone!

Apparently I achieved this milestone sometime last week while I wasn't even paying attention (to the scale). I'm now no longer carrying around weight equivalent to 4 gallons of water, 10 cans of crisco, a young grizzly bear, or an adult Welsh corgie.

I mean, he's cute and all, but I don't need him strapped to my thighs anymore.

Here are a few things that absolutely make a difference for me:

• A consistent workout schedule (more on this in an upcoming article) with a great workout buddy, Carissa
• Bringing my lunch to work every day
• Eating five small meals a day
• No drinking on school nights (for the most part)
• No food after 7:00p
• MyFitnessPal.com which, between the website and the app, provide me with daily motivation, accountability, support, and tools

I plan to celebrate this milestone not with more stuff, but rather with an experience that will reinforce my hard work.

Two options come to mind: a 60-minute massage or a weekend trip to Devils Lake. The massage would certainly feel good on some sore muscles, and the weather this Sunday should be quite nice for this time of year. Hm. Maybe both.

*pounds

Spoiled Brat Code

Act 1
Scene 1

GENERIC OFFICE CUBICLE: MID AFTERNOON 

The setting: It's a dark and stormy November day near Madison, Wisconsin. 

Siobhan sits at her desk, updating her status on My Fitness Pal. She's lamenting the fact that Mother Nature didn't consult the published workout schedule before deciding to rain out today's outdoor 23-minute, 3.5 mile-per-hour walk.

SIOBHAN

(mildly annoyed, righteous)

I don't own an umbrella. Usually precipitation in this state (Wisconsin) falls as snow, which I plan on walking in. Also, I went to a 60-minute Body Pump class this morning and am going to a 60-minute Spinning class this evening, so I should be good. Was looking forward to it more for the change of scenery and fresh air instead of being stuck at my desk all day....

SIOBHAN 

(sheepishly)

(That is all spoiled-brat code for thank you for the umbrella suggestion but I really just wanted to bitch about the weather.)

HUNTER

(mystified)

I need to read more about this mystical spoiled-brat code you speak of. Somehow I think my daughter found the code and is hiding it from me.

CARISSA

(knowingly)

Sorry to break this to you, Hunter, but girls are hand delivered that code around age 3 by our fairy godmothers. Boys are just expected to deal with it the rest of their lives.

HUNTER 

(still mystified)

Carissa, someone delivered the code to my daughter at 16 months and that probably explains why she's mastered it already. Thanks for the head's up though

How NOT to Lose 2 Pounds a Week: Under-eat

Recently I moved. As in house. Admittedly, I didn't move very far, but I did move all of my stuff by myself (with the exception of my TV and media cabinet). Boxes, dressers, even my couch.

Appreciate your help, Bon. Happy to help, Bhan.

In doing so, I managed to burn a lot more calories than I had time and energy to consume. We're talking about upwards of 5000 extra calories. For me, a calorie counter, that's as bad of news as if I'd gone over by as much.

Even with putting two weeks between weigh-ins, my weight loss reached a grand total of 1 pound. And that might be a bit generous.

FRUSTRATION! 

In hindsight, I chalk this lack of progress up to the fact that I was under-eating for several consecutive days.

There are two schools of thought on this topic.

1. Eat most or all of your calories burned through exercise
2. Eat back about 1/2 of them. 

I subscribe to the first concept.

My calorie limit stands at 1470/day, calculated based on my current and goal weight along with my preferred weight loss pace. I have to reach 1470 calories per day in order to lose 2 pounds per week. If I burn 300 calories through exercise, I eat back about the same amount.* For me, under-eating caused me to hit a brief weight loss plateau.

Under-eating doesn't bring me closer to my goal.

*For days when I'm coming in under my goal, I eat one or two spoonfuls of peanut butter. Jif, extra-crunchy. Yum.

"My Rock Bottom: There Wasn't One"

After extensive research* it would appear that everyone who needs to make a lifestyle change does so only after hitting rock bottom.

Unfortunately for you, dear reader, I don't have a dramatic story for you about how I hit rock bottom and started reversing the weight-gain trend.

Nobody asked me how far along I was. 

There wasn't an "I can't zip my favorite pants" epiphany.

I didn't find myself with a fistful of nachos dripping down my chin and think, 'I've gone too far.'

Instead, my turn-around was -- much like my weight gain -- quiet and gradual. Over the last summer, every morning I would enthusiastically think, 'I'll go for a run tonight!' But, without fail, by the time I got home I was simply out of steam. Genius that I am, one day I just decided to capitalize on my morning energy and go for a sunrise run.

Goes with my "just start" philosophy. Simple enough.

*I Binged it and glanced at one article.

Frieday and Faturday

You may have heard, noticed, or read that I'm working on losing 2 pounds a week. During an upcoming annual check-up with my doctor, I'll determine a healthy goal weight. In the meantime, I keep truckin' along with a balanced diet and regular workout schedule.

But let's be honest. My intake goal is only 1500 calories per day. That's not very much to start with, and I "earn back" calories by burning them through exercise. As you can see in this illustration, I am pretty regularly coming in under target.

My Fitness Pal view of one week's worth of calorie consumption

There comes a time -- about once a week -- when I consider all those hard-earned, saved-up calories, I do a little Girl Math, and contemplate really fun ways to spend them. There's only one solution.

Frieday or Faturday

One day a week I indulge. I mean REALLY indulge. 1500 extra calories goes a long way to satisfying the fat kid in my soul. (Update 10/10/2011: Turns out, according to this article on MSN.com, scheduled indulgences are a key factor in long-term healthy weight maintenance. Thanks, Megan, for the hot tip!)

Nachos? Sure.

Beer? Absofreakinglutely.

Collection of bottles on display at the Guinness Storehouse in Dublin, Ireland. March 2009.

French fries? Double the order and give me a side of mayo.

As long as I stay within my budget, on Frieday or Faturday I simply don't overthink my meal planning and this actually helps me stay on track. Conveniently, my Faturday falls on the weekend which is when I take time for more intensive workouts anyhow. So, after doing more girl math, I still come out ahead.

The message is this: don't deprive yourself. 

For me, my weight loss is definitely the result of a lifestyle change and not a diet. By allowing regularly scheduled indulgences that remain within bounds, I'm guaranteeing my own continued success and vastly reducing the risk of falling off the wagon.

Stay on the wagon.

How to Lose 2 pounds a Week: The Meal Plan

* Disclaimer: I am not a doctor, nutritionist, or professional lifestyle coach

**Unless by 'professional' you mean 'gets paid' in which case you might make the argument that I do get paid in beer sometimes and am therefore at least an unprofessional lifestyle coach. 

When I stopped traveling for work a year ago, I started thinking a lot more about efficient ways to prepare healthy meals for myself. What and when is the easiest way to shop for food? How can I reduce the number of times I'm washing dishes?

After trial-and-error, research, 12 consecutive weeks of 2-pound weight-loss, continual harassment by my lovely friend Elizabeth to JUST PUBLISH this article already, and much food shopping and preparation...

here's my meal planning guide to healthy eating

Prep ahead (on the weekends)

• Rinse and dry your vegetables
• Grill, roast, or saute your proteins and refrigerate
• Make 10 servings of brown rice (this takes about an hour, so while that's going, do the vacuuming or paint your nails or something)
• Make 5 servings of oatmeal and store in individual microwave-safe bowls to reheat in the morning
• Slice your cucumbers. Put half of a cucumber in each of five Ziploc snack-sized bags with a wedge of Laughing Cow cheese. Put the other half of your sliced cucumbers in a single baggie for salad assembly
• Count out five one-serving portions of peanuts or almonds and store in Ziploc snack-sized bags
• Hard boil a half-dozen eggs and refrigerate

Prep each morning

1. Drink 8 ounces of soy milk, especially if you've had a morning workout
2. Portion out your lettuce into a large Gladware container and top the salad with 1/5 of your pre-cut cucumber and diced protein
3. Assemble your lunchbag to include the salad, a hard-boiled egg, nuts, and one Ziploc of cucumber slices with Laughing Cow cheese
4. Microwave and eat your oatmeal
5. That's it. Easy, right?

See my grocery list article for a complete item-by-item breakdown of what to buy, organized by grocery store department.

____________________________________________________________________________

The Meal Plan

Breakfast

• 1c soy milk
• 1 serving whole (not instant) oatmeal

Mid-morning snack

• Water
• Hard-boiled egg or individually wrapped cheese

Lunch

• Water
• Salad with protein, cucumber, and dressing

Mid-afternoon snack

• Water
• Sliced cucumber with Laughing Cow cheese spread
• Peanuts or almonds

Dinner

• Water
• Grilled, roasted, or sauteed protein with veg and brown rice (optional)

____________________________________________________________________________

For those of you with a sweet tooth whose day wouldn't be complete without dessert, try making your own popsicles out of high-quality fruit juices (I recommend diluting it just a little) or have apple slices with a shmear of peanut putter.

I advocate a lot of water consumption -- not to the point of water intoxication (where your body's salts become so diluted that your muscles and vital organs, including your heart, no longer communicate properly with your brain and which can cause death) -- so keep that Nalgene bottle handy and drink about 8 ounces of room-temperature water 10 or 15 minutes before eating your meal. This will help prevent overeating and aid in digestion.

Tip: Keep your purse in the freezer

While watching Restaurant Impossible researching for my food blog (link: Dinner Over Easy), I learned food should remain at or below 40 degrees. The best way to get close to this is to make sure your entire lunch bag is cold.I accomplish this by keeping my lunch bag in the freezer with the two ice packs. This way, even my mid-afternoon snack stays cold. (Link: Amazon's attractive, purse-looking lunch bags for grown-ups.)

Remember to track your food intake on MyFitnessPal or whichever system you devised and which works for you. I pre-load my meals so at the end of the day I just make minor adjustments. Logging in once, rather than multiple times per day, also saves me a couple minutes.

What healthy food options do you enjoy? 

Can you envision this meal planning routine working 

for you and your family?

How do you cut meal-planning corners 

during a busy week?

How to Lose 2 Pounds a Week: The Grocery List

Disclaimer: I am not a doctor, nutritionist, or professional** lifestyle coach

The humble grocery list is about more than what's on it and what it's on. It's about planning wisely to nourish yourself and your family... efficiently. Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens are nice, but lists and efficiencies are two of my favorite things.

I organize my grocery list according to the layout of the store where I most often shop: Costco. (You're thinking, 'Bhan, you are a single person. What could you possibly need to buy in bulk?!?' The answer: Herdez salsa casera. Three times a day keeps the doctor away.) This is a picture of my pantry:

Truth is, I've had great luck with the produce section at Costco and find the quality and prices to be significantly better than my local grocery store.

You certainly have noticed that all supermarkets feature the same few departments and often the layouts are similar even between different franchises. Produce near the entrance, deli and bakery along the back wall, and dairy rounds it out along your way to the checkout lanes. Using this to your advantage by aligning your grocery list with these basic sections will perform several important functions.

Maintain one single accurate list

I advocate the use of a smartphone list. It goes everywhere with you. Think about how convenient that is! Stopped at a red light and remembered you're almost out of ________? Just add it to the list! Laying in bed at night, unable to fall asleep, when it occurs to you that you used up the last of the _________? Just add it to the list! Easy, right?

Though a notepad-type app (I recommend NoteMasterLt -- free -- for the iPhone) works very well, in the past I have also simply opened a text message or email to myself to keep a running list. 

Put everything you think you might want or need on the list 

Once you get to the store, make the decision to buy now or later. At least that way the light bulbs you don't imminently need are on the list for the future and you don't have to worry anymore about remembering to get them.

Reduce the number of times you visit the store

Rather than making multiple, time-consuming trips to the store each week, select a day of the week to pick up groceries on your way home from work. With a carefully planned grocery list, you probably won't run out of food for meals between trips.

Tip: Choose one weekday that fits your schedule; this will actually help you make time for other things... like workouts! I go so far as to actually put it on my calendar as a recurring appointment.

For the Lose-2-Pounds-a-Week Club Members

You can basically eat as much of anything on this list as you want. More on meal planning in an upcoming article, but basically here's how it will break down: soy milk and oatmeal for breakfast, a mid-morning protein snack, a salad with protein for lunch, a mid-afternoon protein/veg snack, and kebabs or protein/veg combo for dinner.

Update: I added a couple fruit options based on feedback from friends. (I don't have a sweet tooth so it didn't occur to me to include this.) Because they're so filling and won't cause your blood sugar to spike the way other fruits would, melons, citrus fruit, and stone fruits provide the best bang-for-your-buck. And I know from personal experience that fresh lemon sliced in hot water is a proven appetite suppressant so enjoy some of that mid-afternoon before you head home from work to avoid the pre-dinner binge.

_______________________________________________________

The List

Produce

• Cucumbers x 5
• Cherry or grape tomatoes
• Pre-washed lettuce x 5-8 servings
• Avocados x 5
• Bell peppers x 3-5 (depending on size)
• Onion
• Mushrooms (baby bellas)
• Zucchini x 2-3
• Update: Stone fruits (like peaches), melons, and citrus (as many as you want)
• Update: Lemon (great in hot water in the morning in place of coffee/tea)

Deli/Bakery

• Boneless, skinless chicken breasts x 10 servings

Canned & Dry Goods

• Organic olive oil-based salad dressing*** or salsa
• Canned black beans x 3
• Unsweetened peanuts or raw almonds x 5 servings

Frozen Items

• None for now, unless you choose to buy frozen chicken (which is fine)

Dairy

• Laughing Cow spreadable cheese wedges x 5 servings
• Soy milk x 5 servings
• Dozen eggs
• Single-serving cheese slices

Misc., Household, and Pets

• Reusable water bottle, like a Nalgene
• Snack-sized Ziploc bags for your snacks
• Gladware big bowls for your daily salad

_______________________________________________________

Scale up the list
Happen to not be a single, childless girl who lives alone (that doesn't make me sound awful or anything...)? Multiply each item by the number of adults for whom you're preparing meals.

Shop on the way home from work on Friday afternoons
Because I suffer from lack-of-willpoweritis, this ensures I have plenty of healthy food choices throughout the weekend. For my readers who are parents, you might recognize this as the "apple or orange, not apple or cookie" maneuver that you use on your children and that I use on myself with great success.

Tip: Stocking up on the weekend also affords an opportunity to prep most of the foods needed for the upcoming week. Grill the veg and chicken, wash and dry the vegetables, prepare single-serving portions of peanuts and cucumbers. This makes for a single round of kitchen clean-up and for very quick lunch assembly each morning.

Now that you're armed with a strategy and a list, are you ready to just start? 

What tricks do you use to make 

your grocery shopping experience 

the most efficient use of your time? 

What items recur on your list week-to-week?

If you have children, how does 

their routine impact your food-buying schedule?

**Unless by 'professional' you mean 'gets paid' in which case you might make the argument that I do get paid in beer sometimes and am therefore at least an unprofessional lifestyle coach.

***When reading nutrition labels, also read ingredients. Avoid low-calorie and/or fat-free salad dressings. With all the additives, sugars, and preservatives, they barely qualify as food. You could probably buy Elmer's Glue and get the same effect.

How to Lose 2 Pounds a Week: Just Start

Disclaimer: I am not a doctor, nutritionist, or professional** lifestyle coach

Emotionally or physically sick people accidentally lose weight. The rest of us have to put in some effort. And we won't lose weight by thinking, talking, or reading about it.

Just start. Like, today. Like, now.

No - seriously. Why not right now? If you have reasons why now doesn't work for you, please email me your list of excuses explanations (bhangoes@gmail.com) so I can help you work through them. I've fallen prey to all of them at one point or another. Self-sabotage is my jam, man!

Popular explanations 

I have personally told myself 

inside my own head

Explanation: I don't know where to start.
Debunked: Keep reading. See how easy this is?

Explanation: I don't have the time.
Debunked: From this moment forward, I promise you don't have to invent the time to invest in a healthier lifestyle. We all have 24 hours a day. Aren't you inspired by the woman who has a toddler and five horses and two dogs and some deer and and a husband with a broken hand and a full-time job and a popular blog and a healthy workout schedule? She has just as many hours in a day as you do, and perhaps more enjoyment.

Enlist your ability to multitask (on a limited basis - not to drive and text). Instead of relaxing on the couch with your favorite TV show, watch it while you're on the elliptical. You'd be surprised what amazing programming is on early in the mornings, like The Nanny and reruns of Spongebob Squarepants. While you're out for a walk, take the dog along...

...read a book you've been meaning to start finish, or listen to music you enjoy, or have some FREAKIN' QUIET TIME FOR A CHANGE. Ahem.

Prepare food only a couple times a week, instead of multiple times a day. This will immediately and dramatically cut down on the time you spend making AND CLEANING UP AFTER meals. More on this later, in my upcoming How to Lose 2 Pounds article on meal planning.

Explanation: I don't have the money.
If you're like me, then you may have been diverting plenty of money toward less healthful, if not outright unhealthy, choices. Dinner out? SURE! $30. Drinks with friends? $25. Subs for lunch? $7. And before long... this:

Surprisingly, lettuce is not more expensive than Doritos and a portion of chicken isn't more expensive than a frozen dinner. I buy many items in bulk and now spend less on my monthly gym membership than I used to spend on take-out (read: unhealthy) food.

If you're not doing so already, make your meals at home. Healthy versions of your favorite restaurant foods are generally much less expensive.

Explanation: I'm not done doing weight-loss research yet.

Debunked: I was stuck trying to decide which workout was best, which 'diet' would work... all the while not actually doing any of them. Duh, Bhan. You don't get lean by reading (unless you're walking while reading). Once you start doing it, instead of trying to learn all about it, you will find out what types of health and wellness articles, blogs, and books interest you. This isn't to say you shouldn't learn what's safe and right for you; but don't let the impulse to research it prevent you from actually starting to do it. 

When you're ready, I strongly recommend Dr Bob Arnot's Revolutionary Weight Control Program. (Link: buy the book on Amazon.) This book helps me understand what to eat and when and why. The only issue I take with this book is the word 'revolutionary' in the title. In truth, Dr. Bob promotes a pretty intuitively healthy lifestyle. Eat whole grains, minimize processed carbs, that kind of thing. Revolutionary it ain't. Reinforcing good behavior it is.

Explanation: Ugh, I'll be hungry all the time.
Debunked: No you won't. Pinky swear. It's good to hate that feeling because it's your body saying you're running on fumes. If your car were running on fumes, you wouldn't try to make it go for another hour or two... or more.

Eat breakfast. Fill the tank with the right foods at the right times (which is frequently) and you will avoid the feeling of hunger. I currently eat more and more often than when I was rapidly gaining weight. So there. Debunked. More on how to avoid hunger in my Meal Planning article.

Explanation: I hate diets and they always fail.
Debunked: Can't debunk this one. They do fail. What I needed was a lifestyle change, something to sustain every single day for the rest of my life. So you're not going on a diet, mmmkay? It's not even about nutrition; it's about wellness.

When presented with a delicious-looking cupcake, don't say "I'm on a diet"; instead, say "no thanks" out loud and, to yourself, think 'That's not part of my wellness plan' and 'Leslie, you are a bitch for putting those on the counter right behind my cube so I have to hear about how delicious they are all day long.'

Explanation: I am (literally or figuratively) addicted to something unhealthy.
Debunked: The old me couldn't comprehend a world without burritos. God help me and my thighs if they came with a side of tortilla chips, rice, and beans. And a pitcher of margarita.

To literally - not figuratively - reset my physiology, I spent three weeks on a very restrictive no-carb diet (link: Mayo Clinic review of the Atkins diet). If you feel like you can't live without something unhealthy, try Atkins or South Beach for just a short period of time to get over the physiological cravings from which you're suffering.

To help you just start, 

Here are five simple steps that worked for me

Step 1
Join a website which offers nutrition and exercise tracking a community forum-like setting. Choose one with an accompanying smartphone app if you have a data plan.

Throughout every day I use MyFitnessPal (my username is bhangoes so friend me!). I also registered with Livestrong (username: bhangoes) and LoseIt to see which one works best for me. The community support at MyFitnessPal compensates for a few pieces of missing functionality, like more granular reporting and more user-friendly GUI. WHOA! SaaS project manage much, Bhan?

Step 2

Effective immediately, as in the next thing you consume, read all nutrition labels. With the exception of fruits and vegetables, if it doesn't have a nutrition label, don't eat it. (Sorry, Leslie, those cupcakes did look delicious....)

Just because I didn't look at the nutrition label on the back of a bag of Doritos doesn't mean they didn't have a detrimental impact on my lifestyle. I ate the whole bag. THE WHOLE BAG. I ate it in one binge session. Similarly, I used to also think if you eat a brownie while standing up, or if you shake off the crumbs, it had no fat or calories. Also not true.

I guess, in general, stop kidding yourself.

Step 3

Share the news with the world! Saying makes it true. Tell everyone, or tell a confidant, but make it be known to someone other than yourself that today you're making a change. Tell him/her/them what you weigh today and what your goal weight is, or tell them you're working on getting fit. Don't be surprised when your loved one(s) rally behind you. And that feels awfully good. You might even inspire your friends to make positive changes, too... and then end up writing a blog about your successes and struggles. But again, tell as few or many people as much or as little as makes you comfortable.

Don't get me wrong: this step isn't about accountability. It's about making this change an indelible part of your thoughts. Just like writing something down helps you remember, saying it aloud will reinforce the new path you're on.

Step 4
Document it. Even if today you don't actually make any different food choices, today start tracking your food. Paper is good. Websites are better. Smartphone Apps are best. Worst case, write it down and transfer your intake later to a website of your choice. Do this at least once a day.

Every morning I pre-load my app with what I know I'll eat for most of my snacks and meals. It's like looking at the hour-by-hour forecast so you have a general idea of what your day will look and feel like.

Step 5
On your next trip to the grocery store, shop only the perimeter. Nothing actually edible can be found down the aisles. Keep a running grocery list on your phone rather than on paper, if possible. This way it's always with you when it occurs to you in the middle of a work meeting that you're out of orange juice. Organize your grocery list by section of the store you visit most often.

Try to buy ingredients rather than pre-processed foods. More grocery list and meal planning ideas in my upcoming articles.

A bit of debunking

And a few steps to get you started

These aren't unattainable goals. You can implement each of these today. Like, now. You probably know me personally and know it's working for me. None of this is rocket science, and none is time-consuming or expensive. You can fit any or all of these changes into your life. Like, today. And now that you're officially done reading about wellness (for the time being)...

JUST START.

**Unless by 'professional' you mean 'gets paid' in which case you might make the argument that I do get paid in beer sometimes and am therefore at least an unprofessional lifestyle coach.