Resolutions for 2012

Studies show that new habits take approximately 30 repetitions to become automatic behaviors. By doing a little girl math, this fact leads me to think that each month I could introduce a new resolution. That's what we call a PLAN, kids. Here we go.

january

no drinking on school nights

With my workout schedule and healthy eating in full effect, just one or two drinks on a school night leaves me feeling like crap in the morning. Given that half of my workouts start around 5:00a on weekdays, it only had to happen once or twice before I realized how much of an interruption that one glass of wine could become. It's that simple. No more drinking on school nights.

Exception: vacations. In which case weekdays aren't technically school nights.

This is called the Maui Breakfast.

february

write more letters and cards
Starting with Valentine's Day cards, I want to write more cards. How great is it to receive actual mail? Pretty awesome. In addition, I already own a nice selection of greeting cards, and love getting a good deal on new ones, so it's good in every direction.

While I had the Christmas thank-you notes going, I addressed these Valentine's Day cards.

march 

send gifts on time
I have a rather wretched habit of mailing gifts after-the-fact. I've joked with recipients that it just extends their birthday/Christmas celebration by a few days (ok... weeks). That's pretty unfair, though, and I'm getting too old to lean on excuses. My niece and brother will each celebrate birthday in March, and the family birthdays continue on a pretty regular basis throughout the rest of the year, so in 2012 folks will get their gifts on time.


april
visit family more often
My family is geographically scattered, with a brother and sister-in-law in Florida; a sister, brother-in-law, and niece in Texas; and parents and step-brothers in Chicagoland.

Why WOULDN'T I want to spend more time with these clowns?

We genuinely enjoy each others' company. I need to make more time to spend with them, even if/when that involves significant travel. We're close, and we would be closer if I made a bigger effort to visit their homes more often.


may
banish "I didn't have time/a chance to ______"
I'm really looking forward to using this line for the next few months, but starting May 1 I shall no longer use that excuse. It's such a good one, but it's basically a lie. We all have 24 hours in a day, and some people manage to do a lot more with that amount of time. Like get things done. It's not that I didn't have a chance or the time to do something; I chose to spend that time doing something else. Which is fine, but also pretty lame. In May I'll probably hold a burial for that line. 


june
socialize more with friends
I'm a notorious home-body. Unless the plan involves meeting at the bar across the street, I'm probably not going to leave Fitchburg. The beginning of summer, with the Farmers Market and Concerts on the Square and pool parties, seems like as good of a time as any to start leaving home to spend time with friends.

Exhibit A: My friends are HOT.

I always, always have enjoyed going to events with friends. Remembering that will provide me with the momentum necessary to leave my cozy little cocoon.


july
read Infinite Jest by David Foster Wallace
I learned somewhere that this behemoth made a relatively short list of the best works of literature of my generation. Well, now that I'm not in school anymore and therefore don't have homework reading assignments that expose me to this caliber of literature, I'm taking this opportunity to assign myself a project.

Clocking in at 1079 pages, this qualifies as a TOME.

Though this is my July goal, it'll likely take more than a month to finish, so let's say I will have started or gotten about half-way through the book by summer.


august
utilize my inventory of house stuff
I keep meticulous shopping lists on my iPhone.

I recommend the NoteMaster Lt app

Despite my efforts, I still occasionally find myself without canned black beans, or dryer sheets, or [fill in the blank]. This frustrates me because I HATE RUNNING ERRANDS. What a waste of time.

I created an amazing 2-page spreadsheet of every consumer product I own which requires replenishing. The list has categories which align loosely with the aisles of a grocery store (or... let's be honest... the Super Target down the street from my house). I need to spend some time finalizing it and then actually put the thing into motion. On a monthly basis, take stock of what I have and add what I need to the shopping list. The goal: RUN FEWER ERRANDS.

september
have a birthday party
I haven't had a legitimate birthday party in... a really long time. I've had a small group over for a last-minute cookout...

Jokingly referred to as a meeting of the Young Republicans

... and I've met up with groups of friends downtown for an evening in the bars. Both are alright options, but in 2012 I will plan and have an awesome, premeditated birthday-themed party to ring in my 33rd year. Excellent.


october
wear a Halloween costume and possibly attend a party 
I haven't really worn a Halloween costume since 2006. (Read all about why not.) Perhaps 2012 is the right time to stop being such a buzzkill about it. You know how great costume ideas always occur to you in, like, May? This year maybe I'll write down that genius idea so I can implement it come October.

november
organize my photos
My digital and printed photos are a hot, hot mess. About a year ago, I made some attempts to clean up my Picasa albums, which have once again become unmanageable. As a blogger, that's a pain in the ass. I need to be able to find pictures relatively quickly.

I have two shoe boxes full of printed photographs and I actually already own a couple empty albums. I also already have an external hard drive onto which I can back up my digital photos for safekeeping.

It's really just a matter of making time -- like, probably less than an hour -- to transfer the prints to said albums, and to copy the digitals to my hard drive. Not exactly rocket science, and not exactly a monumental task.


december
plan resolutions for 2013
This has been a great exercise. I hope that 365 days from now I'm able to reflect on the success I achieved with the goals above. Right now, they strike me as reasonable goals, though I'll admit to having doubts about the one-a-month format. Maybe these will end up being more 'seasonal' than 'monthly' and only time will tell.

Here's to a fantastic start to what will be a terrific year.

Stages of a Relationship

I am the opinionator. This is my opinion. This is NOT the opinion of 100% of my closest girlfriends and confidants.

An illustration of my my dating life during my 20s:

I took a nice 5-year hiatus from dating in order to focus on my self, family, friends, and work. I'd say it paid off. Around the time I hit my 30s, I decided to give it another go, but only after receiving confirmation from multiple close friends that I was "ready".

With my confidence restocked, out into the mean world of dating I went. (You can read all about a couple first dates here and here.) And here are the stages of relationships according to me.

dating around

You're seeing him, and you're seeing other people or would consider it if the opportunity arose. There's no expectation of exclusivity between you two, or of mutual social planning.

dating exclusively

You're seeing him and nobody else. You have mutually agreed -- out loud -- to not date other people.

boytoyfriend

My friend Emily introduced this word into my vocabulary. You need two hands to count the number of times you've "been out" and don't really consider these outings to be "dates" any longer.

boyfriend

You two attend events as a couple and there's an assumption that if one has a social event scheduled, there will be some degree of wardrobe coordination. (Just kidding about that last part.) (Or am I?)

Facebook-official

Say it loud, say it proud! Mark Zuckerberg empowers you to share the news with the world.

broken up

I've never actually achieved the Facebook-official status, but I've seen it happen many times. So-and-so changed her status from "In a relationship" to "Single". Ouch. Aren't you glad you told the world he was your one-and-only?

My break-ups have, for the most part, been pretty healthy learning experiences. The most recent one actually occurred... on Monday. No tears shed, and definitely for the best.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again... and again... and again: I'd rather be single than with the wrong person. It's the balm that soothes the souls of women everywhere. Especially once we hit our 30s.

Yes, I did file this article under "chores" and "work." This provides you, dear reader, with a little insight to my state of mind when it comes to dating.

Grammar

'i' before 'e,'

except after 'c,'

and in the word

leisurely.

That's a leisure suit, see.

Sponge Bob had it right

Our favorite square yellow porifera* had it right when he sang the Best Day Ever. If you're a childless adult and STILL don't know what song I'm referring to, well, then good on you for having something better to do on Saturday mornings. Check it out here. Listening once should get it pretty well cemented in your brain.

I, uhhh..., watch this while doing grown-up things. Like laundry.

Instead of waking at 6:00 as usual, Monkey and George let one another and me sleep in a little. We dozed and read a gory crime novel (Blow Fly by Patricia Cornwell) for an extra hour. Well, OK, I did most of the reading. They did a commendable job of not needing a bathroom break.

I quickly selected an outfit consisting of a very rad blazer that never fit properly, and some comfortable heels.

My hair cooperated -- which, if you know me at all, can understand the importance of this event -- and the coffee tasted just right.

There was no traffic on the way to work this morning. None. Despite reports of slow-downs

Despite being at my desk most of the day, I didn't get a single abrupt, frenzied call from a sales guy. (You know who you are.)

Not a single time in an email or phone call did I encounter the word 'sputum.' Pleasant change of pace.

For some reason, I recalculated my PTO and discovered a bit of a tremendous amount of surplus. My boss ran an independent audit of sorts and came up with the same number. And then approved me basically taking off every afternoon between tomorrow and 2012.

And just when I'm sitting down to try... just try... to have an average day, I get a text message from one of my very favorite, best friends in the whole wide world. She quietly traveled from Seattle to Appleton for Thanksgiving and had an evening to kill, so she's coming to Madison for dinner with me!

I plan to walk very slowly and carefully to the car, drive the posted speed limit, look both ways TWICE while walking the dog, and generally hope and pray that the universe doesn't take away all my good luck.

* I'm dating an invertebrate paleontologist specifically so he can remind me of all the stuff I learned in college and then forgot, like "what the hell kind of animal do you call Sponge Bob?"

Destroyed like

I just destroyed my first weight loss goal...

... like Harry Potter with a horcrux, or
     ... like a border collie with a plush toy, or
          ... like Charlie Sheen and a lucrative TV career, or
               ... like Buffy does in a vampire, or
                    ... like a chubby girl with a bag of Tostitos, or
                         ... like American Idol and pop culture, or
                              ... like a desperate housewife and her best friend's marriage, or
                                   ... like Greece and their economy, or
                                        ... like a hangover with an early-morning flight, or
                                             ... like Ryan Reynolds in the role of the Green Lantern, or
                                                  ... like bleaching a perfectly good head of curly brown hair, or
                                                       ... like video killed the radio star.

33 fatty-patties* gone!

Apparently I achieved this milestone sometime last week while I wasn't even paying attention (to the scale). I'm now no longer carrying around weight equivalent to 4 gallons of water, 10 cans of crisco, a young grizzly bear, or an adult Welsh corgie.

I mean, he's cute and all, but I don't need him strapped to my thighs anymore.

Here are a few things that absolutely make a difference for me:

• A consistent workout schedule (more on this in an upcoming article) with a great workout buddy, Carissa
• Bringing my lunch to work every day
• Eating five small meals a day
• No drinking on school nights (for the most part)
• No food after 7:00p
• MyFitnessPal.com which, between the website and the app, provide me with daily motivation, accountability, support, and tools

I plan to celebrate this milestone not with more stuff, but rather with an experience that will reinforce my hard work.

Two options come to mind: a 60-minute massage or a weekend trip to Devils Lake. The massage would certainly feel good on some sore muscles, and the weather this Sunday should be quite nice for this time of year. Hm. Maybe both.

*pounds

Dualing Recipes: Pumpkin Smoothies

My sister Katie, blogger of Cabbage Ranch, emailed me proposing a duel. She and I are not uncompetitive, so initially I was like, "Hell yes." As I kept reading, however, it became clear: she didn't mean the kind where we take ten paces and draw weapons... which is about where I lost interest. Until she mentioned recipes. Wait a second. Competitive cooking?!? YES! Iron Chef Bhan!

As I kept reading the email I found out that she envisioned more of a dual than a duel. As in, two versions -- hers and mine -- based on the same starter recipe. No winner or loser. I mean, I guess.

Our first Dualing Recipe jumps off the Pioneer Woman's* pumpkin spice smoothie.

the base recipe

• 1 can (15 Ounce) Pumpkin Pie Filling
• 3 cups Whole Milk (more If Needed)
• 1/2 cup Vanilla Yogurt (up To 1 Cup)
• A Few Dashes Of Cinnamon
• Cinnamon Graham Crackers, Crushed

my spin on the recipe

• 1 can (15 Ounce) Pumpkin Pie Filling
• 3 cups Whole Milk (more If Needed) 1.5 cups organic soy milk
• 1/2 cup Vanilla Yogurt (up To 1 Cup)
• A Few Dashes Of Cinnamon
• Cinnamon Graham Crackers, Crushed
• 4 T sugar

OK, so I went pretty far off track, but the spirit of the recipe remains the same. I mixed those couple ingredients together in a bowl. Easy! Transfer this to a tupperware container and stick it in the fridge.

Next I made a simple whipped cream using the Joy of Cooking recipe:

• 8 oz heavy cream
• 1 t vanilla
• 1 T honey

Hello Honey Bear!

Beat these ingredients for about 5 to 8 minutes on high speed until the whipped cream stands on its own.

AN ACTION SHOT!

Here's where things get really interesting. Never one to feel uninspired by either a challenge or food, I departed from the original recipe's rather predictable granola topping and went in three different directions. Portion out a cup of the pumpkin smoothie concoction with a couple spoonfuls of the whipped cream and try any one of these toppings.

one: cranberryhoneynutmeg pumpkin smoothie

Drop a couple dried cranberries on top of the whipped cream, drizzle a teensy bit of honey...

Honey Bear makes another appearance!

... and use a microplane to grind fresh nutmeg over the top of it all.

Grind your nutmeg fresh every time

two: applecinnamon pumpkin smoothie

Halve, core, and thinly slice an apple. With me so far?

Add a pat of butter and the sliced apples to a nonstick skillet. Saute on medium heat for 8 to 10 minutes...

  ... until the apples are softened but still firm. Add a dash of cinnamon and continue sauteeing for another 2-3 minutes.

Briefly sauteing the cinnamon will diminish any raw taste and meld the flavors

Slip a couple slices of sauteed apple down the side of your smoothie cup, spoon in some pumpkin mixture, add a dollop of whipped cream, and sprinkle with additional cinnamon.

Oh baby. Yeaaaahhh.

baconchocolatecayenne pumpkin smoothie

Yes I did!

I like where this is headed.

Nice... really, nice.

Give me a little more.

Closer....

And there it is.

When I tasted this one, the following words came out of my mouth: "I'M AN EVIL GENIUS!" I couldn't stop giggling at how amazingly amazing this turned out. Salty, sweet, savory, and just a little heat on the back of my tongue. 

Sweet baby Jesus.

*Her slogan reads: Plowing through life in the country, one calf nut at a time. Obviously you should start reading her blog.

Hi from George

looooooooooooooweeeeeeeeeeeeeeegtyghfgy6ju7mmmmmm
66666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666jjjjjj

This blog post has been brought to you by George, who has an astonishing ability to seek out and then sit on electronics.

All part of his master plan to take over the world, one apartment at a time.

Friday Haiku! Yeah!

I can't find my nose.

Where... Oh where?!... could it have gone?

Same place as that sock.

Veterans Day: Give more than your Facebook status

Today I saw a ton - I mean, a TON - of Facebook statuses about how people thank, support, and honor American veterans. The more I saw, the less sure I was of how typing that status provides any veterans with any real support or sense of honor.

Because it's Frisky Friday, and I'm in a bit of a mood this morning, a not-insignificant part of me feels these are just empty words. I'm a woman of action (!), so I decided to give my readers a few tools to actually make a difference for veterans on Veterans Day.

donate goods, money, or time

Visit the Department of Veterans Affairs Voluntary Service website (http://www.volunteer.va.gov/) where you'll find a list of volunteering and donation options specific to your state's VA needs.

There's even a printable shopping list available of items your state's VA needs to help recovering veterans participating in rehabilitation programs. Black Friday is coming up, so you can even find many of these items on sale!* Shop and do good, y'all!

support veterans legislation

Nearly 1-freaking-million veterans** remain unemployed. (Me: "Are you kidding me?!?" Me: "No, I'm not kidding you.")

The VOW to Hire Heroes Act passed the Senate yesterday. It couples tax incentives for hiring veterans, along with job training programs and other initiatives to keep veterans gainfully employed once they come home from saving our asses.

Contact your senators and representatives to thank them for taking this important step. Not sure who your senators are or how to contact them? That's OK - just choose your state from the US Senate Contact website. Easy!

visit a memorial or museum

Each state has one or more cemeteries for veterans. Stop by to pay your respects. (List and locations of veterans cemeteries by state: http://www.cem.va.gov/scg/lsvc.asp). I don't say this to seem morbid, but rather to offer a suggestion on a quiet way you can reflect on veterans' service in a way that is meaningful to you.

Most states also have veterans museums. I wasn't able to find a centralized website that lists them all, but here are a few links for states where I know some of my readers live:

• Wisconsin Veterans Museum: http://www.wisvetsmuseum.com/
• Washington State's Veterans Museum: http://www.veteransmuseum.org/
• Illinois Veterans Art Museum: http://www.nvvam.org/
• Texas Veterans Museum (still a work in progress): http://theveteransmuseumintexas.org/

If I know anything about museums (and I think I do) entrance will be free to visitors and there will be a donation box close to the door. Give what you can.

send a care package to an active-duty soldier

Yellow Ribbons Support Group has choreographed a huge program to supply troops with care packages full of creature comforts and necessities. They have a list of items you can easily purchase and send to the organization for inclusion in the care packages they create.

Looks like a couple of the items they need are free to folks who often stay in hotels: any travel-/trial-sized personal hygiene stuff like shampoo, soap, and conditioner.

none of these options feel quite right?

Visit MakeItBetter.net for a few additional suggestions on ways to make a real impact today and every day.

* This was my choice. Seems like a no-brainer.
** From http://veterans.house.gov/jobs

Spoiled Brat Code

Act 1
Scene 1

GENERIC OFFICE CUBICLE: MID AFTERNOON 

The setting: It's a dark and stormy November day near Madison, Wisconsin. 

Siobhan sits at her desk, updating her status on My Fitness Pal. She's lamenting the fact that Mother Nature didn't consult the published workout schedule before deciding to rain out today's outdoor 23-minute, 3.5 mile-per-hour walk.

SIOBHAN

(mildly annoyed, righteous)

I don't own an umbrella. Usually precipitation in this state (Wisconsin) falls as snow, which I plan on walking in. Also, I went to a 60-minute Body Pump class this morning and am going to a 60-minute Spinning class this evening, so I should be good. Was looking forward to it more for the change of scenery and fresh air instead of being stuck at my desk all day....

SIOBHAN 

(sheepishly)

(That is all spoiled-brat code for thank you for the umbrella suggestion but I really just wanted to bitch about the weather.)

HUNTER

(mystified)

I need to read more about this mystical spoiled-brat code you speak of. Somehow I think my daughter found the code and is hiding it from me.

CARISSA

(knowingly)

Sorry to break this to you, Hunter, but girls are hand delivered that code around age 3 by our fairy godmothers. Boys are just expected to deal with it the rest of their lives.

HUNTER 

(still mystified)

Carissa, someone delivered the code to my daughter at 16 months and that probably explains why she's mastered it already. Thanks for the head's up though

Huff, the Magic Marker

Huff, the Magic Marker

Huff, the magic marker lived in a cup

And laid in wait standing bolt upstraight in a land called Look It Up.

Little Bhanny project manager loved to take a sniff,

And mark off the days on her calendar and rhyme a little riff!

Huff, the magic marker lived in a cup

And laid in wait standing bolt upstraight in a land called Look It Up.

Huff, the magic marker lived in a cup

And laid in wait standing bolt upstraight in a land called Look It Up.

Together they would cross stuff off and make Xs every day

Counting down the time until a long weekend or even a staycay

People would see the marks and wonder what's the wait

Bhanny and her loyal pen said they held their breath for fate. OH!

Huff, the magic marker lived in a cup

And laid in wait standing bolt upstraight in a land called Look It Up.

Huff, the magic marker lived in a cup

And laid in wait standing bolt upstraight in a land called Look It Up.

The supply closet may remain fully stocked, but not so her marker's ink
When setting down the steely tube it made a hollow clink.

One rainy day the clouds rolled past and Huff he marked no more

Bhanny tried and tried different paper sides to see the ink she so adored.

Her hand fell limp and her shoulders drooped, sadness showing in her eyes.

No roller-ball, highlighter or Sharpie pen could have counted as such a prize.

Bhanny accepted the tragic fate and thought, 'Twas better to love than not.'

Huff the dear sweet Magic Marker had fulfilled everything she sought, OH!

Huff, the magic marker lived in a cup

And laid in wait standing bolt upstraight in a land called Look It Up.

Huff, the magic marker lived in a cup

And laid in wait standing bolt upstraight in a land called Look It Up.

(Link: Wikipedia page about Puff, the Magic Dragon)

So Long, House.

This article is a copy of a letter I wrote which was left at my dad's house for the new owners. 

It just so happens to mirror an article my sister wrote and published yesterday about 

her family's last visit to Nanny's house, now that that property has also been sold.

_________________________________________________________________

thanks for all the memories

In the mid-‘90s, after living in a couple nearby apartments for about a year, my dad and I house-shopped and this one immediately felt right: two stories, in keeping with my childhood perception of a home; large bedrooms for both of us and a spare room for my brother or visitors; a swimming pool, clubhouse, and well-kept grounds; and within walking distance to my soccer practice fields. It was the best of every world, and stayed that way for fifteen years.

Dad had friends help us strip wallpaper and apply fresh coats of paint, and he let me pick out a different carpet color for my bedroom – my favorite, a light sunshine yellow. We started a growth chart along a narrow bit of wall in the foyer. We called the front door the “people door”; Dad always figured the front of a house was where the living-room faces, which in this case was out to the back yard. Confusing. 

We held my 16^th birthday party in the clubhouse. I remember my friends gathering around the cake to sing with me. Though I moved to college, this was always my home base, where I came to recharge my batteries during the semester and spent summer breaks. On one particular summer break, a friend visited from out-of-town. To help him find the right place, I used sidewalk chalk to draw arrows up to the driveway and wrote “Hey Mark! This is the place!” A crotchety neighbor – watch out for him – yelled at my dad, accusing him of letting me paint on our “newly resurfaced driveways!!!”

At one point, I tried putting in a flower bed, but Dad reverted it back to a Scottsdale, Arizona-like planter which, I’m not ashamed to admit, always looked really nice. My dog Sydney knew this as his home for many years and we scattered his ashes in the nearby woods where he loved to walk. Dad learned to love my new dog, Monkey, here, too.

Dad with one of his granddoggies

For many years, Dad used this as his home base for elaborate year-round road bike adventures. One favorite picture shows him in full spandex regalia posing beside a 15-foot-tall snowdrift piled in front of the driveway. As long as the roads were clear, Dad was on a bike.

We spent many evenings grilling on the patio, enjoying good company, filling the yard or dining room with extremely, extremely loud, ear-piercing laughter. Last summer, our family’s first grandchild was brought home to this house to meet everyone. My last memories of this home include my entire family gathered together loving on one another.

Dad with his lovely granddaughter, Beep

Thanks, house, for being my home for many, many years. I hope you have many happy new memories with your new family and I’ll never forget you.