sconnie that piece

The way my fellow cheeseheads have been freaking out about the approaching storm...

... you'd think we all grew up in the mid-Atlantic or something. I can say from first-hand experience that those Marylanders know how to have a good forecast-induced panic attack. It borders on entertaining, actually. See a snow storm coming? People buy all the bottled water and nonperishable foods from store shelves. All businesses and schools close. And the government too.

But I digress. Here in the upper Midwest we have seen not ONE flurry of snow all winter, which is highly unusual and a little disconcerting, but not entirely unwelcome. I personally didn't mind wearing flip-flops to walk the dog as recently as, oh, Tuesday.

But I digress again. Whether it's the first or last snowfall of the season, we all (should) take steps to prepare for the weather. Let's talk about the car.

In the words of my friend Luke, when you park your vehicle on the eve of impending snow storms, Sconnie that piece* following these simple instructions:

• Leave your heater dials set to blast and the AC turned on. That's right, I said AC. Did you know AC doesn't stand for "Air Cold"? I learned this little trick from my dad, and he's sometimes often usually always right: Your AC will actually work in conjunction with your heater to remove moisture from the air and prevent windows from fogging up.

• Raise your windshield wipers so they don't get ice-crusted and/or stuck to the windshield

OOOOHH YEAH! Snow- and ice-free and ready to do their jobs!

• Put your scraper on the driver's side floor so you can grab it quickly when you crawl in to start the car and turn on the heater

Do not adjust your TV. Those white streaks are falling snow flakes.

• Back into your parking space so you can reach the windshield and easily pull out of the space

See how easily he will be able to pull forward?

Of course, make sure your gas tank is never below half and your wiper fluid is full. Keep emergency supplies on the back seat and your cell phone fully charged. Blibsy blabs.

* In the event this phrase requires explanation... which I hope it doesn't... Sconnie = Wisconsin (a typically snowy place). Piece = your auto. Hencetoforth, Sconnying that piece means preparing your car for snow.