heartbreak

Don't worry. My boo and I are very much together and in love. This article kind of describes how I got there with him.

“We must see all scars as beauty. Okay? 

This will be our secret. 

Because take it from me, 

a scar does not form on the dying. 

A scar means, 'I survived'.” 

Little Bee by Chris Cleave

Many, many moons ago I had a sometimes-turbulent, intensely passionate relationship with a man. Let's call him Guy.

Our time together, which spanned a few states and years and chapters of our lives, was truly the stuff of romance novels. You've basically never seen a girl more in love with someone than I was with Guy.

I also hurt him terribly, and he hurt me terribly. Unintentionally, but still. Incredible, gut-wrenching, soul-sobbingly heartbreak ensued when our relationship finally ended.

It took me years and several more failed relationships before I literally woke up one day and realized I was ready to move past it. My heartbreak had finally, thankfully, healed. Healing arrived in the form of understanding.

Finally, I understood that the final break-up felt like a horrible car accident. The relationship did not survive, though I did.

The wreck resulted in scars. Scars never go away. They may fade over time. They don't hurt forever. They go with me everywhere.

The corner of my heart occupied by the relationship is like a grave site to me. A place where I sometimes go to think about the past. I don't live at the graveside. I don't contemplate the grave every day. Sometimes it makes me sad to visit, so I don't stay very long. When I leave, I feel thankful.

These analogies help me move forward with the experience of having loved and been loved like that. I stopped trying to forget and finally realized I could remember. Honor the time he and I spent together, mourn the loss a little, and move forward in my life as a woman changed by a relationship.