sometimes I stretch the truth

Lying -- as in telling lies -- is kind of a timely topic right now. Let's make a list about why that's the case.

1. First of all, my best friend's seven-year-old recently started lying so they're dealing with that whole issue. 
2. Secondly, my boyfriend called me out on it. The header of my blog states, in no uncertain terms, "If I could make this stuff up, I wouldn't." When he read... ahem... my version of events about how he and I met and started being all kissy-face, he noticed a few... let's call them inconsistencies.
3. And lastly, I lied. To my friend's face. More on that in a minute.

When John confronted me about my lies, I got a wee bit defensive and started 'splainin' myself.

I explained, "My dad reads this blog!" followed by, "I had to summarize three months of stuff into one article, from memory!" which came right before, "It has to be funny, babe. That's what The People want." and then, "OK, so sometimes I summarize my own version of events stretch the truth make stuff up."

Which isn't to say I lie, exactly. Not usually.

Confession time. I have lied. Three times, that I can recall. Both times, as soon as the lie came out of my mouth, I remember having this distinct feeling of anticipation. 'Tell me you don't believe me.' 'You can't possibly think this is true.' 'Give me your I Believe You face so I know you know I'm lying and we can all have a good laugh.'

uh huh

lie #1

My dad and his lady friend at the time went on a vacation to Ixtapa, Mexico, and brought back a t-shirt for me. It was screen-printed with a lifeguard logo and the name of the town. I wore it to my freshman gym class one day and someone asked me about it.

Classmate: "Have you been there?"
Bhan: "Yeah, I was there over the summer." (Lie.)
Classmate: "Oh wow, cool."
Bhan: "Yeah, it was alright. I was working most of the time." (Lie.)
Classmate: "Really?"
Bhan: "Yeah, I was a lifeguard at this resort." (Lie.)

Thankfully, the really lame lie ended right there. I guess the P.E. teacher blew a whistle to start class, or something.

lie #2

Sophmore science class. Biology, maybe? I recall sitting with a friend of mine, who shall remain nameless lest this hurt his feelings, on top of one of the workbenches at the back of the classroom while watching a science flick. I crossed my legs on the table and somehow found or created an opportunity to tell him that I had "heel replacement surgery" and now have plastic heels.

What? Geez, that's a really stupid lie.

lie #3

My friend Carissa is getting married in a month. Her wedding shower took place this past weekend. Over the course of the preceding couple weeks, I considered several gift options, including selecting something from her registries, and finally settled on something that I knew would go over well: a Costco membership. But first, I had to find out if she already had one.

Thursday I texted her, asking if she shops at Costco. She said she didn't and we left it at that. Friday morning I bought the gift membership and Saturday morning I met her at the gym for our usual workout. While water-jogging our way across the deep end, she asked me point blank why I wanted to know.

My vision clouded and I felt my cheeks go numb. I was having a physiological -- almost allergic -- reaction to this situation. I had to lie to her.

Siobhan: "I just wanted to see if you could pick up some stuff for me. It's so far away."

Carissa: "It's farther from me than from you!"

Siobhan: "Well, not so much when you're at work."

Carissa: "I suppose that's true."

Thankfully at that point we changed the subject. I had lied again and gotten away with it. But I felt awful for having done so, and extremely relieved later that afternoon when she opened the gift and was pleased with the selection.