Sponge Bob had it right

Our favorite square yellow porifera* had it right when he sang the Best Day Ever. If you're a childless adult and STILL don't know what song I'm referring to, well, then good on you for having something better to do on Saturday mornings. Check it out here. Listening once should get it pretty well cemented in your brain.

I, uhhh..., watch this while doing grown-up things. Like laundry.

Instead of waking at 6:00 as usual, Monkey and George let one another and me sleep in a little. We dozed and read a gory crime novel (Blow Fly by Patricia Cornwell) for an extra hour. Well, OK, I did most of the reading. They did a commendable job of not needing a bathroom break.

I quickly selected an outfit consisting of a very rad blazer that never fit properly, and some comfortable heels.

My hair cooperated -- which, if you know me at all, can understand the importance of this event -- and the coffee tasted just right.

There was no traffic on the way to work this morning. None. Despite reports of slow-downs

Despite being at my desk most of the day, I didn't get a single abrupt, frenzied call from a sales guy. (You know who you are.)

Not a single time in an email or phone call did I encounter the word 'sputum.' Pleasant change of pace.

For some reason, I recalculated my PTO and discovered a bit of a tremendous amount of surplus. My boss ran an independent audit of sorts and came up with the same number. And then approved me basically taking off every afternoon between tomorrow and 2012.

And just when I'm sitting down to try... just try... to have an average day, I get a text message from one of my very favorite, best friends in the whole wide world. She quietly traveled from Seattle to Appleton for Thanksgiving and had an evening to kill, so she's coming to Madison for dinner with me!

I plan to walk very slowly and carefully to the car, drive the posted speed limit, look both ways TWICE while walking the dog, and generally hope and pray that the universe doesn't take away all my good luck.

* I'm dating an invertebrate paleontologist specifically so he can remind me of all the stuff I learned in college and then forgot, like "what the hell kind of animal do you call Sponge Bob?"

Destroyed like

I just destroyed my first weight loss goal...

... like Harry Potter with a horcrux, or
     ... like a border collie with a plush toy, or
          ... like Charlie Sheen and a lucrative TV career, or
               ... like Buffy does in a vampire, or
                    ... like a chubby girl with a bag of Tostitos, or
                         ... like American Idol and pop culture, or
                              ... like a desperate housewife and her best friend's marriage, or
                                   ... like Greece and their economy, or
                                        ... like a hangover with an early-morning flight, or
                                             ... like Ryan Reynolds in the role of the Green Lantern, or
                                                  ... like bleaching a perfectly good head of curly brown hair, or
                                                       ... like video killed the radio star.

33 fatty-patties* gone!

Apparently I achieved this milestone sometime last week while I wasn't even paying attention (to the scale). I'm now no longer carrying around weight equivalent to 4 gallons of water, 10 cans of crisco, a young grizzly bear, or an adult Welsh corgie.

I mean, he's cute and all, but I don't need him strapped to my thighs anymore.

Here are a few things that absolutely make a difference for me:

• A consistent workout schedule (more on this in an upcoming article) with a great workout buddy, Carissa
• Bringing my lunch to work every day
• Eating five small meals a day
• No drinking on school nights (for the most part)
• No food after 7:00p
• MyFitnessPal.com which, between the website and the app, provide me with daily motivation, accountability, support, and tools

I plan to celebrate this milestone not with more stuff, but rather with an experience that will reinforce my hard work.

Two options come to mind: a 60-minute massage or a weekend trip to Devils Lake. The massage would certainly feel good on some sore muscles, and the weather this Sunday should be quite nice for this time of year. Hm. Maybe both.

*pounds

Dualing Recipes: Pumpkin Smoothies

My sister Katie, blogger of Cabbage Ranch, emailed me proposing a duel. She and I are not uncompetitive, so initially I was like, "Hell yes." As I kept reading, however, it became clear: she didn't mean the kind where we take ten paces and draw weapons... which is about where I lost interest. Until she mentioned recipes. Wait a second. Competitive cooking?!? YES! Iron Chef Bhan!

As I kept reading the email I found out that she envisioned more of a dual than a duel. As in, two versions -- hers and mine -- based on the same starter recipe. No winner or loser. I mean, I guess.

Our first Dualing Recipe jumps off the Pioneer Woman's* pumpkin spice smoothie.

the base recipe

• 1 can (15 Ounce) Pumpkin Pie Filling
• 3 cups Whole Milk (more If Needed)
• 1/2 cup Vanilla Yogurt (up To 1 Cup)
• A Few Dashes Of Cinnamon
• Cinnamon Graham Crackers, Crushed

my spin on the recipe

• 1 can (15 Ounce) Pumpkin Pie Filling
• 3 cups Whole Milk (more If Needed) 1.5 cups organic soy milk
• 1/2 cup Vanilla Yogurt (up To 1 Cup)
• A Few Dashes Of Cinnamon
• Cinnamon Graham Crackers, Crushed
• 4 T sugar

OK, so I went pretty far off track, but the spirit of the recipe remains the same. I mixed those couple ingredients together in a bowl. Easy! Transfer this to a tupperware container and stick it in the fridge.

Next I made a simple whipped cream using the Joy of Cooking recipe:

• 8 oz heavy cream
• 1 t vanilla
• 1 T honey

Hello Honey Bear!

Beat these ingredients for about 5 to 8 minutes on high speed until the whipped cream stands on its own.

AN ACTION SHOT!

Here's where things get really interesting. Never one to feel uninspired by either a challenge or food, I departed from the original recipe's rather predictable granola topping and went in three different directions. Portion out a cup of the pumpkin smoothie concoction with a couple spoonfuls of the whipped cream and try any one of these toppings.

one: cranberryhoneynutmeg pumpkin smoothie

Drop a couple dried cranberries on top of the whipped cream, drizzle a teensy bit of honey...

Honey Bear makes another appearance!

... and use a microplane to grind fresh nutmeg over the top of it all.

Grind your nutmeg fresh every time

two: applecinnamon pumpkin smoothie

Halve, core, and thinly slice an apple. With me so far?

Add a pat of butter and the sliced apples to a nonstick skillet. Saute on medium heat for 8 to 10 minutes...

  ... until the apples are softened but still firm. Add a dash of cinnamon and continue sauteeing for another 2-3 minutes.

Briefly sauteing the cinnamon will diminish any raw taste and meld the flavors

Slip a couple slices of sauteed apple down the side of your smoothie cup, spoon in some pumpkin mixture, add a dollop of whipped cream, and sprinkle with additional cinnamon.

Oh baby. Yeaaaahhh.

baconchocolatecayenne pumpkin smoothie

Yes I did!

I like where this is headed.

Nice... really, nice.

Give me a little more.

Closer....

And there it is.

When I tasted this one, the following words came out of my mouth: "I'M AN EVIL GENIUS!" I couldn't stop giggling at how amazingly amazing this turned out. Salty, sweet, savory, and just a little heat on the back of my tongue. 

Sweet baby Jesus.

*Her slogan reads: Plowing through life in the country, one calf nut at a time. Obviously you should start reading her blog.

Hi from George

looooooooooooooweeeeeeeeeeeeeeegtyghfgy6ju7mmmmmm
66666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666jjjjjj

This blog post has been brought to you by George, who has an astonishing ability to seek out and then sit on electronics.

All part of his master plan to take over the world, one apartment at a time.

Friday Haiku! Yeah!

I can't find my nose.

Where... Oh where?!... could it have gone?

Same place as that sock.

Veterans Day: Give more than your Facebook status

Today I saw a ton - I mean, a TON - of Facebook statuses about how people thank, support, and honor American veterans. The more I saw, the less sure I was of how typing that status provides any veterans with any real support or sense of honor.

Because it's Frisky Friday, and I'm in a bit of a mood this morning, a not-insignificant part of me feels these are just empty words. I'm a woman of action (!), so I decided to give my readers a few tools to actually make a difference for veterans on Veterans Day.

donate goods, money, or time

Visit the Department of Veterans Affairs Voluntary Service website (http://www.volunteer.va.gov/) where you'll find a list of volunteering and donation options specific to your state's VA needs.

There's even a printable shopping list available of items your state's VA needs to help recovering veterans participating in rehabilitation programs. Black Friday is coming up, so you can even find many of these items on sale!* Shop and do good, y'all!

support veterans legislation

Nearly 1-freaking-million veterans** remain unemployed. (Me: "Are you kidding me?!?" Me: "No, I'm not kidding you.")

The VOW to Hire Heroes Act passed the Senate yesterday. It couples tax incentives for hiring veterans, along with job training programs and other initiatives to keep veterans gainfully employed once they come home from saving our asses.

Contact your senators and representatives to thank them for taking this important step. Not sure who your senators are or how to contact them? That's OK - just choose your state from the US Senate Contact website. Easy!

visit a memorial or museum

Each state has one or more cemeteries for veterans. Stop by to pay your respects. (List and locations of veterans cemeteries by state: http://www.cem.va.gov/scg/lsvc.asp). I don't say this to seem morbid, but rather to offer a suggestion on a quiet way you can reflect on veterans' service in a way that is meaningful to you.

Most states also have veterans museums. I wasn't able to find a centralized website that lists them all, but here are a few links for states where I know some of my readers live:

• Wisconsin Veterans Museum: http://www.wisvetsmuseum.com/
• Washington State's Veterans Museum: http://www.veteransmuseum.org/
• Illinois Veterans Art Museum: http://www.nvvam.org/
• Texas Veterans Museum (still a work in progress): http://theveteransmuseumintexas.org/

If I know anything about museums (and I think I do) entrance will be free to visitors and there will be a donation box close to the door. Give what you can.

send a care package to an active-duty soldier

Yellow Ribbons Support Group has choreographed a huge program to supply troops with care packages full of creature comforts and necessities. They have a list of items you can easily purchase and send to the organization for inclusion in the care packages they create.

Looks like a couple of the items they need are free to folks who often stay in hotels: any travel-/trial-sized personal hygiene stuff like shampoo, soap, and conditioner.

none of these options feel quite right?

Visit MakeItBetter.net for a few additional suggestions on ways to make a real impact today and every day.

* This was my choice. Seems like a no-brainer.
** From http://veterans.house.gov/jobs

Spoiled Brat Code

Act 1
Scene 1

GENERIC OFFICE CUBICLE: MID AFTERNOON 

The setting: It's a dark and stormy November day near Madison, Wisconsin. 

Siobhan sits at her desk, updating her status on My Fitness Pal. She's lamenting the fact that Mother Nature didn't consult the published workout schedule before deciding to rain out today's outdoor 23-minute, 3.5 mile-per-hour walk.

SIOBHAN

(mildly annoyed, righteous)

I don't own an umbrella. Usually precipitation in this state (Wisconsin) falls as snow, which I plan on walking in. Also, I went to a 60-minute Body Pump class this morning and am going to a 60-minute Spinning class this evening, so I should be good. Was looking forward to it more for the change of scenery and fresh air instead of being stuck at my desk all day....

SIOBHAN 

(sheepishly)

(That is all spoiled-brat code for thank you for the umbrella suggestion but I really just wanted to bitch about the weather.)

HUNTER

(mystified)

I need to read more about this mystical spoiled-brat code you speak of. Somehow I think my daughter found the code and is hiding it from me.

CARISSA

(knowingly)

Sorry to break this to you, Hunter, but girls are hand delivered that code around age 3 by our fairy godmothers. Boys are just expected to deal with it the rest of their lives.

HUNTER 

(still mystified)

Carissa, someone delivered the code to my daughter at 16 months and that probably explains why she's mastered it already. Thanks for the head's up though

Huff, the Magic Marker

Huff, the Magic Marker

Huff, the magic marker lived in a cup

And laid in wait standing bolt upstraight in a land called Look It Up.

Little Bhanny project manager loved to take a sniff,

And mark off the days on her calendar and rhyme a little riff!

Huff, the magic marker lived in a cup

And laid in wait standing bolt upstraight in a land called Look It Up.

Huff, the magic marker lived in a cup

And laid in wait standing bolt upstraight in a land called Look It Up.

Together they would cross stuff off and make Xs every day

Counting down the time until a long weekend or even a staycay

People would see the marks and wonder what's the wait

Bhanny and her loyal pen said they held their breath for fate. OH!

Huff, the magic marker lived in a cup

And laid in wait standing bolt upstraight in a land called Look It Up.

Huff, the magic marker lived in a cup

And laid in wait standing bolt upstraight in a land called Look It Up.

The supply closet may remain fully stocked, but not so her marker's ink
When setting down the steely tube it made a hollow clink.

One rainy day the clouds rolled past and Huff he marked no more

Bhanny tried and tried different paper sides to see the ink she so adored.

Her hand fell limp and her shoulders drooped, sadness showing in her eyes.

No roller-ball, highlighter or Sharpie pen could have counted as such a prize.

Bhanny accepted the tragic fate and thought, 'Twas better to love than not.'

Huff the dear sweet Magic Marker had fulfilled everything she sought, OH!

Huff, the magic marker lived in a cup

And laid in wait standing bolt upstraight in a land called Look It Up.

Huff, the magic marker lived in a cup

And laid in wait standing bolt upstraight in a land called Look It Up.

(Link: Wikipedia page about Puff, the Magic Dragon)

So Long, House.

This article is a copy of a letter I wrote which was left at my dad's house for the new owners. 

It just so happens to mirror an article my sister wrote and published yesterday about 

her family's last visit to Nanny's house, now that that property has also been sold.

_________________________________________________________________

thanks for all the memories

In the mid-‘90s, after living in a couple nearby apartments for about a year, my dad and I house-shopped and this one immediately felt right: two stories, in keeping with my childhood perception of a home; large bedrooms for both of us and a spare room for my brother or visitors; a swimming pool, clubhouse, and well-kept grounds; and within walking distance to my soccer practice fields. It was the best of every world, and stayed that way for fifteen years.

Dad had friends help us strip wallpaper and apply fresh coats of paint, and he let me pick out a different carpet color for my bedroom – my favorite, a light sunshine yellow. We started a growth chart along a narrow bit of wall in the foyer. We called the front door the “people door”; Dad always figured the front of a house was where the living-room faces, which in this case was out to the back yard. Confusing. 

We held my 16^th birthday party in the clubhouse. I remember my friends gathering around the cake to sing with me. Though I moved to college, this was always my home base, where I came to recharge my batteries during the semester and spent summer breaks. On one particular summer break, a friend visited from out-of-town. To help him find the right place, I used sidewalk chalk to draw arrows up to the driveway and wrote “Hey Mark! This is the place!” A crotchety neighbor – watch out for him – yelled at my dad, accusing him of letting me paint on our “newly resurfaced driveways!!!”

At one point, I tried putting in a flower bed, but Dad reverted it back to a Scottsdale, Arizona-like planter which, I’m not ashamed to admit, always looked really nice. My dog Sydney knew this as his home for many years and we scattered his ashes in the nearby woods where he loved to walk. Dad learned to love my new dog, Monkey, here, too.

Dad with one of his granddoggies

For many years, Dad used this as his home base for elaborate year-round road bike adventures. One favorite picture shows him in full spandex regalia posing beside a 15-foot-tall snowdrift piled in front of the driveway. As long as the roads were clear, Dad was on a bike.

We spent many evenings grilling on the patio, enjoying good company, filling the yard or dining room with extremely, extremely loud, ear-piercing laughter. Last summer, our family’s first grandchild was brought home to this house to meet everyone. My last memories of this home include my entire family gathered together loving on one another.

Dad with his lovely granddaughter, Beep

Thanks, house, for being my home for many, many years. I hope you have many happy new memories with your new family and I’ll never forget you.

Refrigerator

Friday, you rock. Yeah! 

I get to go home early.

Cook, watch TV, sleep.

How NOT to Lose 2 Pounds a Week: Under-eat

Recently I moved. As in house. Admittedly, I didn't move very far, but I did move all of my stuff by myself (with the exception of my TV and media cabinet). Boxes, dressers, even my couch.

Appreciate your help, Bon. Happy to help, Bhan.

In doing so, I managed to burn a lot more calories than I had time and energy to consume. We're talking about upwards of 5000 extra calories. For me, a calorie counter, that's as bad of news as if I'd gone over by as much.

Even with putting two weeks between weigh-ins, my weight loss reached a grand total of 1 pound. And that might be a bit generous.

FRUSTRATION! 

In hindsight, I chalk this lack of progress up to the fact that I was under-eating for several consecutive days.

There are two schools of thought on this topic.

1. Eat most or all of your calories burned through exercise
2. Eat back about 1/2 of them. 

I subscribe to the first concept.

My calorie limit stands at 1470/day, calculated based on my current and goal weight along with my preferred weight loss pace. I have to reach 1470 calories per day in order to lose 2 pounds per week. If I burn 300 calories through exercise, I eat back about the same amount.* For me, under-eating caused me to hit a brief weight loss plateau.

Under-eating doesn't bring me closer to my goal.

*For days when I'm coming in under my goal, I eat one or two spoonfuls of peanut butter. Jif, extra-crunchy. Yum.

Glacial Erotics

Frinight I went out for beers with my friend Eliz(abeth). As we were chatting and catching up on the past couple of weeks, she inquired about my current "situation." As in, "What's it like being single out there?"

In response to her inquiry, the following exact words came out of my mouth: "I dropped my Match.com subscription when I decided I wasn't going to meet someone in Madison who wants to see my fossil collection."*

Elizabeth expressed sympathy, but we didn't linger on the topic, choosing instead to spend the next 30 minutes impersonating someone who shall remain nameless and who laughs like "the queen's owl with a broken hooter." God, that was funny.

Anyhow, I got home a little after 11 and had just settled into bed when my iPhone chirped. Not the usual incoming text message, whose sound I instantly recognize and to which I immediately react. Turns out Match.com keeps you around for a little while post-cancellation. I'd received an iPhone push notification email from... wait for it... AN INVERTEBRATE PALEONTOLOGIST. Shut. Up.

He had noticed that my profile included a photo of my foot tattoo...

Yes, that hurt. And it was worth it.

... and he wrote that if he were to get a tattoo, it'd probably be of a trilobite. You know, the WISCONSIN STATE FOSSIL. Of which I have numerous examples. We exchanged a couple quick, chatty emails and decided to meet for coffee the next day.

I arrived in the agreed-upon neighborhood 20 minutes early early because (for some reason, even though I own an Answer Box) I thought there was a hardware store nearby and I needed a doorstop and bungee cords. But I digress.

The friendly barista provided me with a large apple cinnamon tea and I found a seat in a comfortable velvet armchair in front of a crackling fire. Within just a couple minutes, in walked a guy I recognized from his profile picture as Charles.** He smiled, approached, introduced himself, and set down his jacket beside me before ordering a coffee.

We settled into an easy conversation about our mutual interest in geology and the fossil record. Charles actually participated in a field trip with one of my college professors. Madison is a small town. Geology is a small industry. Blamo! Everyone knows someone.

Eventually the conversation turned toward our families, other shared hobbies (like food), and his friends' upcoming mead party. As in, medieval wine made from honey. He suggested wearing a suit of armor. I suggested making sure nobody else was dressing up. Funnier that way.

Jump forward to two-and-a-half hours later, Charles and I decided to wrap things up. It was too late for my afternoon nap, and he still had work to do. We stepped outside and he gave me a quick hug, and...

...TING! The flap of a butterfly's wings somewhere inside my stomach. Stay tuned. I hope that wasn't the end of this story.

*That's not code for anything, Chewie you sicko. My dad reads this blog. (I hope.)
**Not even close to his real name; named after Mr. Darwin.