To Be: Dead. Or Three Faces of Cringe

Mrs. Johnson, the Homestead High School AP English teacher who famously called her students "cherubs" even though the plural forms include 'cherubim' (look it up)*, taught me never to use 'to be' verbs. She considered them passive and instilled in me a decades-old fear of using words like is, are, and was. 

I guess in the heat of the Aggressive '90s, passivity went out of fashion.(Kidding about that. Remember flannels and Stone Temple Pilots? Aggressive we weren't.)

Anyhow, as a result of Mrs. Johnson's teachings, for fifteenish years I cringe anytime I can't figure out a way around using To Be verbs.

Here's the photographic evidence:

"Yes, Monkey is *cringe* a border collie."

Pretty awesome hair in this one.

"Are *cringe* they going to the bar later?"

Is that a lemon or a TO BE verb in my mouth?

"Who do you think you are *cringe* - Chuck Norris or something?"

Hey there, extra chin. How you doin'?

*I would like to thank my sister in 1995, Katie Reynolds of Cabbage Ranch (read all about her), for having this English teacher first and telling me about the cherub thing so I could snottily correct said teacher on the first day of class. Jesus I was a brat. Kinda still am.